The Word B

on- little girl. parenting. paint. tramps.

2007-03-06T21:33:00.000+11:00

in recent news, scout continues to grow and grow and learn so much more on a day to day basis. she is difficult to get to sleep. she does not like going to sleep. the only way i can explain it is this- she is fearful she is going to miss out on some exciting event. but once she passes out, often times with much cajoling. she sleeps well, waking for the occasional feed.
as a working father, i feel i am missing out on such an important developing aspect of her life- well i am truly. it is such a terrible painful feeling to leave for work everyday. yet, when the end of the work day arrives, i race home to play with my little girl. it is amazing how before i was born, i was more motivated to finish the house renovations, but now even that energy has fallen by the wayside, from either lack of sleep or i would simply rather be hanging out with both of my girls... i am sure loving fathers all over the world would feel similar to this. it really sucks!
i did come home for a little play and a cuddle, and then i proceded to paint the railing on the back balcony. it has been screaming "paint me" for months now. so finally, it is done. all white with no more of that aweful pink under coat. why the devil australian timber yards prime their timber in the color of pink is beyond me. in the end, it just means extra work for me.
is it just me, or is anyone else sick of this anna nicole smith shit? frankly, i was over it in 1992 after she did her guess jeans modeling. it was never that good in the first place. can someone please explain the worlds fetish for this woman. the old man's perspective i can sort of understand- he had money, she was young and looking to get rich. end of story.

marching on

2007-03-02T22:28:00.000+11:00

friday night and the feelings so-so. it is late. we are struggling through watching blood diamond on the dvd. scout keeps waking, so we are seeing it in bits. currently we are on our 3rd intermission. crazy. it is a fabulous movie. heavy shit, but really well done.
i had my teeth drilled today. two of them had cavities. one was new. the other was deeper and beneath a former filling. lucky it was not so bad that it needed a root canal. i have not had the pleasure of one of them yet... but i am sure with more age and rich food, i will be well accostumed to that. i really think that the chemotherapy fucked up my teeth. but that could be just me making an excuse. who knows?
on another note. i have the weekend ahead of me. tomorrow is a friends bucks party (or bachelor party for the north americans) in the city. i will go in for a few drinks and then head home. although the gay and lesbian mardi gras parade is going to take place in sydney tomorrow night. so depending on how drunk we get the groom to be, he could end up on a float or worse...
well. that is all i have to say. exciting times here.

not a leap year

2007-02-26T18:37:00.000+11:00

so close. you thought i would never write.
well, i do. and i did. fuck i wrote a whopper about 4 days ago and the blogger disconnected me. so i had the shits and showed it, by not writing.
it is nearly dinner time. it is raining in sydney australia at the moment. too bad most of the water hits the streets and goes straight to the ocean where it is needed most. here in australia it is an election year, and the bullshit propoganda and political promises that come spewing from the political hopefuls mouths is downright pathetic. it is all lip service. the only people that don't believe that it is, are the people spouting the lies. lately, they are crapping on about water savings, drought, and the environment. all good platforms, but in 6 months time, this drought stricken country will be left high and dry, once the electees are firmly in office and the dollar signs of big business are waving under their noses.
i find it completely ironic and a pathetic joke- black fellas (aboriginals) were care takers of this land- australia for more than 40,000 years. yes, a long time. then you have white trash europeans here for just over 200 years and they have totally fucked it up!

beddy bye bye

2007-02-16T19:22:00.000+11:00

i just put my daughter to bed. now it is my bed time. it is difficult for me to even imagine my life without such a wonderful little girl in it. i am so blessed and so in love with my little girl. wow, how life changes when you have a child...
once again, my writing must suffer due to lack of time and energy. but i am still present in my day to day life. the computer just seems to take a major back seat to the rest of lifes events.
today, i was up at 5:30 a.m. entertaining scout, then it was breakfast, then work, then home to work in the yards, then dinner, then dishes, then shower, then putting the girl down, then computer (barely), then spend a few minutes with my wife, then bed for me. good thing it is a friday. and to think, i used to be only considering going out around this time of the evening.
live i said, my life has changed.
off to the beach tomorrow for a morning swim and then home to mow the lawn. what a weekend!

the new blogger

2007-02-12T19:25:00.000+11:00

we be blogging now.
now that i have switched to the "new" blogger. what ever the hell that means. i know i have been remiss lately, but i am very skeptical of everything at the moment. i am sure i will once again be numbed back into submission.

argh!

2007-02-12T19:12:00.000+11:00

we were off to a pirate party. scout's first one. she swabbed the decks. mom walked the plank. dad drank the rum.

manana

2007-01-28T20:40:00.000+11:00

tomorrow. the beginning of my new career- as a high school teacher. no students until tuesday, but it is back to school for me. i currently have a 10 week contract teaching english at the local highschool just around the corner from our house. can hardly wait. i am quite excited and looking forward to the whole change. i have been working towards this point for just about the past two years. so it is finally coming into fruition.
i was asked if i "am ready/prepared for tomorrow?" my answer is still i don't know. i am sure the severity of it all will hit me with full force the minute the first school bell rings, but i have survived this far in my life, so i figure i can get passed this too. after all i have already been to highschool. it is just that this time i will be on the other end of the classroom dynamics. i have been there too when i was substitute teaching in california. so a little bit new, a little bit been there done that. i know i should hit the hay pretty soon and just have a decent night sleep before the big debut.
in other news, i had a fun little surf session this morning at long reef. there was a healthy size swell that crept up yesterday that mellowed out into 4-5 foot surf today. there was a big crowd of folks out in the line-up, so picking waves at first was a bit tricky until i realized (like most places) 1/2 the people out in the surf don't know what they are doing. the water has finally warmed up, the water was clean, and the sun was out.
looking forward to the three o'clock finishes and attempting to make the afternoon surfs and swims a regular habit. time will tell for sure.
scout is getting big!
i apologize for the lack of pictures on this blog site. the past few times i have blogged, i have made serious attempts to upload photos without success. so if you are interested in seeing recent photos of scout, check out the blog cherrybean. she is much better at uploading the pictures. she has much more time and access to the computer (when scout is not demanding attention). and she is way way way more computer savvy than i am. turly i am technologically inept. i am barely hanging on to the computer world and just getting by, and i lack the desire to really keep up. who knows, perhaps i will slip back into the "dark ages" and go back to the pen and paper.... don't hold your breath, though.

the best made plans

2007-01-25T09:45:00.000+11:00

so i more or less have a week off from beach work before i begin the new career as a high school engrish teacher. i am so excited about the change. although i know i will miss the beach office, the prospects of a mentally stimulating environment are too good to pass up. i am hoping to have more time to spend at the beach playing, after school gets out at 3pm.
so at the beginning of the week, i had this long list of activities and major house chores to accomplish. well, the weather has set me back on achieving the whole list and has thwarted my outdoor activities for the past two days. it is raining. not that i am complaining about it, i just find it ironic in the fact that when i do plan to do something outside of the house, it rains. oh well...
i am off again to the doctors this afternoon to get my results from blood tests and CT scans from over the past few weeks. i am feeling good and healthy from within myself, so i figure that i will get passing marks. if not, i will be very cranky. i am sick and tired of dealing with cancer. i want some time off from it.
i am tempted to get into some political rantings, but i will let it go for now. suffice it to say they are all morons.
the super bowl is to be played in a few days. as fate would have it, it will be during the hours of my first day at school. so i don't think i can call in sick in order to stay home, get drunk and watch the football game. too bad. i like getting drunk before 12 noon on a monday. the game is televised live here, and due to time and location differences kick off (after the pre-game hype) usually occurs around 11:30am. but i am usually well fueled up by 10:45am and ready to get into a nitrate missile with mustard about mid way through the first quarter. oh well, chalk up another missed super bowl, since having moved over seas.
family life is great. i am loving it. everyday is such a new and fascinating adventure, i look forward to every moment i can spend with scout. she is truly a wonder.
about the photos (hoping they post- seem to have many difficulties with blogger these days). one of scout looking all her best. the other is a family portrait out the front of our house. we were on our way to a pirate party. we all got dressed up and went to the fiesta. it was a lot of fun.

i'm back

2007-01-16T07:43:00.000+11:00

total apologies all around. i have had every intention of updating my blog on a regular basis, but the whole fatherhood thing has thrown me off my schedule. i can not complain about it one bit. currently, scout is on my lap as i type. it won't last much longer, so this is just a not of recognition. i have been slack and it will improve.
life is going great. i finish my work on the beach in 10 days, and i start teaching in the classroom in 13 days. not much room in between. but really, what else would i be doing?
life has been interesting to say the least. i have had many adventures and exciting times over the past few weeks. i would have liked to shared them but there was no time, and truly there is more exciting things to share coming up in the days ahead.
we are out of here- team dad and daughter.

what is going on?

2006-12-01T19:44:00.000+11:00

our neighborhood has been the scene of a few too many domestic squabbles coming from one house in particular. four doors up from our place is a very descreet house with some fucking loud bogan occupants inside. i only comment on these people as i nearly got run over yesterday while putting out the trash and recycling on the kerb, as the red little car came screeching around the corner zig-zagging it's way up the street while two girls were yelling at each other and fighting over control of the steering wheel. they then turned on two wheels round the next corner to stop in front of the same house and conitnue their argument/fight as they went inside the house.
the same persons or occupants of the house had a brawl on new years day at 5am outside of our house, where some guy literally beat the shit out of his girl friend. then two weeks ago, there were about five cop cars out the front of their place dealing with another domestic dispute. like what the fuck? apparently all the shopping carts that have turned up mysteriously around the streets, lying on the grass (there are about 4 of them) have come from the same persons. this information is hearsay from one of the other neighbors.
the poor couple that just moved into their new house next door, after paying an overly inflated price for an oversized box with little to no usable yard, must be regretting the day they spent over a million dollars to live in a neighborhood with all this craziness going on. then the old people living around here, might be doubling their medication. at the very least, it is interesting. i am curious to see what happens next.

out of touch

2006-11-29T08:25:00.000+11:00

a big apology to all my adoring fans out there- "sorry folk." i have been neglecting you and the blog. i have good reason. there has been alot going on in my life lately; finishing with school, house renovations, family, work, sleep, you know the basic things to keep me away from the computer. since i have been away, everything in regards to the computer has suffered. i don't even email anymore either, so for me not to blog, it is pretty much on par with my typing fingers.
have i got anything to say? no not really.
people may be asking what the hell are they reading this for? good question. why the hell am i even typing this? i feel like i am dancing on the edge and too afraid to jump in. plus, i am out of time. yep, that is right. i am out the door for work in less than 15 minutes and still i need to do all that prep work so i can go to work. you can work out those small details in your own head, the answer is yes.
well until next time... peace out.

you're number one

2006-11-11T22:27:00.000+11:00

hello world

a little reminder

2006-11-11T22:06:00.000+11:00

i have not been on this site for a few days. i have been too invovled in the celebrations.
first off, i finished with my university course and completed my diploma in secondary education. basically, that means i can teach in high school. yeah. secondly, and most importantly, i have been enjoying the after-election-glow of seeing the bitch slapping the republican party and mainly bush jr. has taken in the wake of last tuesday's elections. finally, americans have come to their senses. although, most americans were already fully awake for the past six years, except perhaps the idiots of florida or the morons of ohio. for a good little laugh and a gut wrenching cry have a read of this website, giving a brief but painfully acurate description of the mental midget who is at the helm of american politics, and therefore steering the world in the worst possible direction. i had read it years ago. everytime i read it i begin to laugh and then i cry.
well at least politics in america will become interesting over the next two years rather than insultingly frustrating.
not to be outdone by the senator foley fiasco in florida, the new south wales government of australia has hit a even lower level in the sex with children category. this saga has apparently been 10 years in the making. it makes the ted haggards of the world look like pathetically boring hypocrites. ted even has his own website. there is even a "how to page" for buying methamphetemines and soliciting male prostitutes, with sub-clauses on how to still get into heaven. this story still makes me laugh. i swear it is impossible for the best hollywood writers to make up stuff this good.
until next time... the champagne corks keep popping.

ding dung saddam to be hung

2006-11-06T08:26:00.000+11:00

as if there was any other possible outcome to this trial, saddam hussein has been charged guilty. this subject is going to be covered by all sorts of journalist and backroom bloggers all over the planet. i am not going to do justice on saddam's trial.
however, i am curious about another fascist dictator that should be standing trial sooner than later. yep, you guessed it, that moron bush jr. holy shiite batman! if saddam has been found guilty, in a court of law, for crimes against humanity, then why can't bush jr., dick chinny, and donald rumsfeld be classified terrorists against humanity?
the possibility of the republican government getting rolled in the US congress is looming on the horizon. one must wonder if the guilty saddam verdict was railroaded through by bush and his henchmen as a political tactic to sway momentum back their direction? once, again who is pulling the strings? is this entire show out of a franz kafka novel or what? the timing is just uncanny. election in the US in two days time and all...
yet, let us not forget so quickly our hypocritical freckle punching evangelical leader who has claimed he speaks to the president george bush jr. at least once a week. this guy has now just confessed all his sins. which up until yesterday he was still lying about. holy shiite batman! i am not a christian but even i know that one of the 10 commandments is though shalt not lie! let's not forget to mention adultery. yet, the buying and taking of drugs (who really believes he threw them away?) is not on the list of 10, but it happens to be one of those hypocritically amoral acts of the republican party. i say this thinking of bush jr. (the president) snorting cocaine in the 80's and 90's along with drunk driving etc.
oh the next 48 hours is one to wait in anxiety over. if the democrats do win back a mojority of power in the senate, i am smelling impeachment. afterall, when the republicans took power in the mid 90's the tried to impeach clinton for a blowjob! that makes the current regime's crimes against humanity seem like crimes against the universe.

religion anyone?

2006-11-05T08:31:00.000+11:00

thank god and america for the evangelical preachers. otherwise, there would be a lot less laughter in the world. ted haggard everyone. first there was jerry falwell, then there was jim and tammy baker (who could ever forget those leaky eyes and runny masquera?) and now this guy. once again proving that "to get in through the gates of the kingdom of heaven" you need to lie, cheat, steal, or have homosexual relations with a male prostitute. minor offenses are adultery, buying and taking drugs, and being in the ear of the president, bush jr. i would highly recommend following this story in the news for the next few weeks, there is a hot bed (no pun intended) of filth and news worthy stuff coming out of this guys camp (pun intended).

trick or treat?

2006-10-31T08:47:00.000+11:00

today being the last day of october, 2006, it is thus halloween. happy halloween! we decided not to throw our annual celebratory bash this year, in consideration of scout. we are a bit saddened by the non-event, but that is the reality of life. having 60 drunk people stubbling all over the house, slurring, and breathing over a 1 month old little girl is not a good thing. so we canned the party idea.
although we are still having a few mates over for a babeque and a some laughs, it will not be a party like years in the past. oh well. we do have a bowl of candy by the door, a few decorations up, and the little family is planning on dressing up for the occasion. it will be a fun night. we are just wondering who will come knocking on the door??

daylight slavings

2006-10-29T20:26:00.000+11:00

the time has changed. we jumped forward an hour last night, by some malevovent occurance in the universe the time has been altered. big deal. i still feel like daniel fucking la ruso, without the wax-on wax-off aspect. for the past two full days my days off from work have been days on working. paint the house. paint the house. let me put it this way, i would rather be at work. i do not enjoy painting. however, it has to be done. these things don't just paint themselves.
originally, i thought, "yeah, no worries. i have this baby cranked out in a few days time." well, i was in for a huge surprise after the first day... i think i am now on day 6 of 8-9 hour days myself. this does not include the time put in by a few extremely wonderful friends, who have graciously donated a few hours of their time to come over and roll on some paint on the walls. a little help is much better than none at all. still, i would need a few more people and a few more hours in the day to have the job finished.
last weekend i was hampered by the rain. this weekend it was all green lights, and i was full steam ahead. saturday, i put in a solid 9 hours of painting. on the ladder for 90% of the time. i will pause here to express how much i love working up a ladder. yeah right. today, was different. i stayed on the ground even though the ladder work is still calling me... this morning, i got up early with the day light time change. just to take advantage to the extra hour and so that i am not so screwed up for the remainder of the week at work work, because of the time change.
the final result will look good. until then, we live in a patch work house. i guess it is all fun and games. still, i would rather be loitering at the beach and collecting a paycheck. ha! that will have to wait until tomorrow.
if you feel up to pitching in, scaling a ladder, and painting a wall- feel free to come over. the paint, brushes, rollers, drop clothes, and ladders are all ready to go.

morning blues

2006-10-25T08:19:00.000+10:00

this morning i am up. not as early as some mornings, but i am up and awake. i have already cooked and eaten a pancake breakfast. i am now on my second cup of coffee and am about to pack my lunch and head out the door for work another (hard) day at the beach. today will comprise mostly of studying and doing research for my uni course, while i get paid to hang on the sand.
truly all the days seem to be blending into one another. i look to the change in the month as small milestones on the road to somewhere, yet i still don't know exactly what that somewhere is. although i have an idea of what it looks like in my dreams. i think reality is going to be considerably different.
now as i sit here attempting (futilely) to come up with creative words to say, i am confronted once again by writers block. something that all people who write must content with from time to time. yet, we perservere. to where? probably that same place where my dreams tantalize me from afar.
thus far, fatherhood has been relatively good for me. i am not the one up and down 6-20 times at night with scout. really, what can i do? that role has pretty much fallen on the shoulders of cherry. who happens to be wonderful at the role of motherhood. she has taken to it like a natural. it is her "job" at the moment, while mine is to go to work and make the less than adequate money we need to survive. for the moment, that is my "job." maybe one day the roles will swap for men, when we can breast feed. but until then...
as for me, the time is up. i have to go to work.

doing this

2006-10-20T18:47:00.000+10:00

i should be doing homework, yet i am doing this. i should be making dinner, but i am doing this. i should be working on the house, but i am doing this. i should be taking a nap, but i am doing this. i should be anything, but, i am doing this.
somebody save me.

curiosity

2006-10-16T20:22:00.000+10:00

this is the face that i wake up to nearly every morning for the past week. at dawn, scout is awake. after a restless night of interrupted sleep and regular feedings, cherry is exhausted and i am tagged in for the dawn patrol. i am usually sleeping throughout the night as much as i can, but am woken up with each feed. however, this is the face that keeps me smiling when she and i are up before the sun.
at this time of the day i am pretty much searching for anything that will keep us both entertained and encourage us to both go back to sleep. my attempts are often met with mild toleration which degenerate into a cry when the entertainment value loses its edge- we read books, listen to music, dance, explore the book shelf (because it is full of all kinds of wonderful images), look out the window, and do lots of rocking in the rocking chair. usually, this takes up about 60-90 minutes of the morning before scout falls back to sleep. i too jump back into bed for a quick cat nap before i am up and out the door for work.
then i suffer for 9 hours, until the work day is over and i can return home for my evening cuddles.

radishes are beautiful

2006-10-16T20:11:00.000+10:00

this here radish in the very first item from the vegie garden. there is plenty more radishes to come, along with the other vegies that have sprouted and are growing. yum yum.

and in the end...

2006-10-15T19:59:00.000+10:00

observation and thought.
the weather here is crazy. yesterday was like 105F and today was windy cloudy and all of 64F. this planet is a mad place to be on at the moment. how much further can the human race fuck it up? i think much further than we can even imagine. how much longer do we have until the shit literally hits the fan? according to the fortune tellers, the heretic fanatics from the middle ages, and the mayan calendar, we are livng on borrowed time, or are all about to die. then if you are a trekkie you will understand the fact that humanity will overcome all its problems through space travel and contact with alien civilizations. regardless, we all have to kick the bucket (or straighten the leg- if you are chinese) sooner or later. that is the only true fact of life.
lately i have begun to wonder what will kill me in the end- the big tsunami, an earthquake, avalanche, fire, disease, terrorists, famine, major heat wave, drought and dehydration, roving bands of mauraders (i do live in australia and i have seen the mad max films), nuclear bombs, radioactive fall out from nuclear bombs, invading hordes of indonesians (another aussie myth), hepatitis, home invasion gone wrong, mob violence, bird flu, over zealous police interrogation, torture, the list could be endless, but these items are at the top. i know that cancer won't get me. i have fought that shit off two too many times already in order to let that one get the last laugh. my list is comprised mostly by what you see and hear on the news.
if you pay any attention to the news, then you would most likely not want to crawl out from the underground bunker you live in. however, if you do watch the news on tv, listen to the news on the radio, read the newspaper, or even view the internet, you have got to laugh. otherwise you will certainly go insane.
how are you going to die? do you even think about it? yes, it is a morbid point, but can prove endless entertainment if you are willing to speculate on your own mortality.
how did i get so far off the subject of the weather?

scorcher

2006-10-13T19:53:00.000+10:00

i got nothing to say. my brain was fried today in the sweltering heat. tomorrow is expected to be another hot day, so the masses will inevitably be flocking to the beach. i like the days to be hot and the beach busy. it passes the time a lot quicker while working.
in other news... well, i got nothing. scout is asleep. i am ready for bed too.

la vida fiesta

2006-10-11T20:09:00.000+10:00

tonight while making, then eating dinner, i had a few tequila shots. it is more or less my weekend, a wednesday night. tomorrow i have no work, only university all day long. so i am in a friday mood. thus, i polished off the remains of the last bottle of tequila- in shots. then opened the bottle of suava, white tequila i brought back from this last trip to california. it tasted so nice. i could easily have another few shots but i am already spinning. another would put me over the edge. not that it would be a bad thing.
the other part of the equation is that tomorrow morning, first thing, i go to the hospital for my routine cat scan and i am tripping out about that big time. i know that i am healthy. it is just the last time i had this scan, the results were all fucked up and i ended up having a literally, gut wrenching surgery. i have the scar to prove it! i have also got pictures, but if i publish them on this site i stand a good chance of going to jail for having snuff photos. besides i do not want people puking on their keyboards.
so yeah. take that. grab the nearest bottle of tequila or what ever your drink of choice (or the nearest bottle of booze on hand) and party with me.

scout willow represents

2006-10-11T08:30:00.000+10:00

she said to me, "daddy i want to be a dodger fan." (this was before the dodgers lost last week in the play offs to the mets) despite the blues, we are still wearing dodger blue.

let's drop the big one

2006-10-09T20:25:00.000+10:00

BOOM!
north korea claims to have blown up their first nuclear weapon today, despite harsh criticism not to do so by the rest of the world (except china). today's action is a big middle fingered response to that criticism.
what is the big deal here folks? there are so many nuclear weapons in the world now, that forbidding north korea (and next iran) from having one is total hypocracy. think about it. if one of these so called radical states ever used their one or maybe two nuclear weapons on anyone, the united states would blast that country beyond the stone age. could it be that is what some people would want to have happen? and i am thinking of a name of a company that begins with the letter "h" and ends with "ali-burton."
in totally unrelated news john howard is now considering the possiblity of selling enriched uranium to north korea. hey, it would be "good for the australian economy." afterall, the coward government had no qualms bribing saddam hussein to buy australian wheat. truly, this guy knows how to spot a deal.

madman

2006-10-08T18:13:00.000+10:00

i thought my life was hectic before. however, i stand corrected. life before baby was cake. i still have to run around like a madman, but now added to the list is the partial responsibility of total care for another human being (cherry does most of this at the moment and is doing a superbly fantastical beautiful job). i just run around picking up the pieces and filling in the blanks on top of all the other stuff. meanwhile my sleep patterns are all messed up!
but looking on the bright side, in about 6 weeks my university studies will be over. who would have thunk it?
yet, the whole time i have this goofy smile on my face.

the girl wonder

2006-10-08T17:12:00.000+10:00

all i want to do is hold her. friday morning i was loath to leave the house and go to work for the whole day. although i was fortunate to have the first week after her birth off from work on paid leave, i was not ready to leave home. i came home from work on friday and as soon as i walked in the door scout was my priority. i held her for about an hour before i even started to consider what to cook for dinner. i am not sure whether or not i got my fill, but nonetheless, life goes on.
last night we had our first outing in the car. cherry was feeling a bit agitated after being cooped up at home for so long, so at about 7pm we bundled up our little girl, put her in the car in the new car seat, and drove down to the dee why headland overlooking the ocean. it was a full moon, and the major motivation for the drive. we three stood on the headland (in the strong wind) and watched the moon in the sky and it's glow on the water. we then went for a short walk around the neighborhood and then returned home for bed. the outing was short and sweet, but a start of many more adventures to come.

home birth

2006-10-02T11:27:00.000+10:00

some people we know are still shocked we had a home birth. for us, it was a no brainer. after all the experiences we have both had in hospital in the past few years, we are so glad that we were at home.
we have heard so many horror stories about hospital births. yes, if there is a major medical complication then the hospital may be needed, but it was always an ambulance ride away. since 2003, i have been convinced that the hospital is the place you go to get poisoned, experimented on, and where you go to die. hearing the many horror stories at hospitals, was one of our main reasons for staying away.
at home it was- our environment, our rules, our time, our call, everything. it was so comfortable and peaceful with no one butting in with their own agenda, no bright lights, just a few dim lights and candles. the mid-wife was wonderful. she was worth every penny, and still makes follow up visits for the next few days.
cherry and i received a lot of flack from people about the home birth. mostly this was due to other peoples fear and ignorance. those people who have had home births were all so supportive. i never had any doubt in our experience and in our choice. afterall, human beings have been giving birth to babies for the entire history of mankind (and before that when we were still monkeys). birthing is a natural part of life- we have all been there. so, why the need to be so detached from our bodies and our natural abilities by being under bright lights with teams of doctors and nurses around, who are all basically strangers working on the time clock?
if we have another child. it is a bit premature to confirm that one way or the other now, we will have another birth at home. i could not imagine it any other way.
otherwise, it is all baby here. i am loving it. running on a lack of sleep, but i am coping. this fatherhood thing is amazing. i was so in love on first sight. i am so pleased that scout is healthy, has all her body parts, they function, and she seems to be quite happy.

it's a girl!

2006-10-01T15:22:00.000+10:00

what great news! frijole has arrived.

we had a little girl. scout willow johnston emmons. she was born on september 29th 2006 at 11:42pm. she weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces or 3.7 kilograms and is 21 inches long.

cherry is doing well after going through the most amazing thing ever- child birth. it was totally mind-bogglingly beautiful, painful, exhausting, tough, but wonderful all at the same time. cherry labored for 25 hours. and was completely exhausted afterwards. she did the whole thing without drugs or pain relief of any kind in our own home. it was the perfect environment. we could not imagine having a child any other way.

i have a daughter. she brings me to tears nearly everytime i look at her. i am so overwhelmingly in love with her. she has totally rocked my world in the best way possible.

cherry and i are so proud and excited. we are trying to rest when we can in between feeds and fielding phone calls. i have taken the next week off from work on paternity leave (ironically enough, the first day back to the beach was yesterday). so for the next few days and years to come we are adjusting to family life, with kids. so far so good.

the time has come...

2006-09-29T07:23:00.000+10:00

the time has come. the time is now. frijole johnston emmons will you please come now? yep, that's right. we are in the early stages of labor. actually, i think early was last night, cherry is now in the middle of labor. we are all systems go. the sun is up this early morning, the kiddy pool is blown up, the water system is ready, the towels are washed, etc. i am running around doing last minute things in preparation, but the time has come. contractions are now less than 5 minutes apart. the midwife has been called.
cherry is moving forward like a trooper. all is progressing well.
if you do read this- do not call us. we will call you! or else stay tuned to this site for more details and the final result.

the 11th commandment

2006-09-25T18:53:00.000+10:00

"and god said: it is o.k. to lie, cheat, steal, and kill (forget about the above 10)."

case in point, sydney's hill song church for the born-again, nu vou jesus freaks of the southern hemisphere. the organization just got busted big time for money fraud, and you can buy their c.d. at the local gas station.
then there is the nazi pope, who has implied that islam is a violent religion and therefore... (it alright to kill muslims).
then there is israel (they follow the ten comandments to, remember that guy moses?), and all the bullshit atrocities going on in that country and their conflict with their neighbors, palestine, lebanon, syria blah blah blah. seems like it has been going on for a thousand years.
fuck, it is good to be religious.
it is much better not to be.

ding dong

2006-09-21T12:19:00.000+10:00

who's that ringing the doorbell at 1 a.m.! that is correct, last night the door bell sounded and then continued to hum with an infernal buzz, incesantly.
i knew no one rang the bell, as we have been having trouble with the button lately. so last night, in the middle of the night, i went downstairs, opened the front door to try and unstick the button. it did not help. it was only after standing out the front of my house, with the light on, for about a minute, i realized i was naked. what a sight the neighbors must have had.
i went back upstairs, put on my sarong, and returned to the scene with a screw driver, in order to disconnect the wiring of the buzzer. in the process of fixing the problem, the humming buzzing noise grew louder, and the bell sounded off and on erratically at least 50 times. in the quiet stillness of the night, it must have alerted the entire neighborhood to the fact that someone was at our front door. it was me!
before this event occurred, i was having difficulty falling asleep. ironically enough i had just began to doze off when the bell sounded. after i finished removing the button from the wire, turned off the lights, and returned to bed, i tossed and turned for another hour trying to get back to sleep. at least i had a giggle about the whole incident. it is even funnier the day after, but i am tired.

it is official

2006-09-19T20:28:00.000+10:00

i am now a citizen of australia. the ceremony was about an hour long. there was a moment of pledging an affirmation and that was pretty much that- i was official. as predicted, bronwyn bishop, a.k.a. the wicked witch of oz (representing warringah) was there. i swear she is in competition with queen elizabeth the 1st, for the most make up put on ones face. it was horrible and she smelled like moth balls. but that was the only down side. after receiving my certificate, i was given a native plant (which turned into 5 because they wanted to get rid of them). then we were out of there and down the road to have dinner and celebrate. we even had champagne.
no, i will not forget my roots. no, i have not lost my american citizenship. yes, i am now a dual citizen. yes, i did turn down the offer for the role of ambassador to tahiti, which i was immediately offered straight after the ceremony. i have principles- we must sell our house first.
i hardly slept last night. i am not sure if it was excitement over the aussie thing, or anxiousness over the frijole thing. however, i will state that it is most likely a combination of both.

ceremony

2006-09-18T09:18:00.000+10:00

this evening, i will become an australian citizen. i sometimes wonder why? lucky for me, i won't be undergoing the gruelling interogation the current government is hoping to implement upon future would-be citizens of this country. rumor has it, the test would be to define the idea of the "aussie fair go." my interpretation of this is- if you are white and speak english, you can easily have a worthy opportunity to do anything you like. however, if you are aboriginal you are too drunk and hopeless to accomplish anything. if you are asian, you can get a job but we will never truly accept you. if you are middle eastern in appearance or a muslim, you are therefore a terrorist. (i am being totally fecitious, so please don't take the above literally).
i am sure that the ceremony will go on about what it means to be a good aussie... blah, blah. i am worried that ugly, old bat, bronwyn bishop (she is the representative of the local electorate) will be the one handing out the awards- another close minded bigot in politics. but i will over look that, too.
you may be wondering why i live here much less want to become a citizen of this country... the answer is this. i moved here for love and that is what has kept me here. australia from what i have experienced has the potential to do great things and promote a great and wonderful ideology of peace amongst its people, but unfortunately it does not. this, in my opinion is due largely to the current government and their wrong wrong wrong political hegemony they exert over the citizens of australia and the islands in the surrounding region. and despite the recent global policies of many so called democracies, i still believe in the democratic ideal. therefore, by becoming a citizen of this country, i can exert my right to vote. voting is something many aussies take for granted and do not appreciate, some even condemn. i want these bastards out! i will vote for the better, healthier alternative.
after tonight, i will be a dual citizen. unfortunately, there are bastards running the countries for which i hold citizenship in. however, to quote bob dylan, "the times, they are a changing."

sunburnt

2006-09-16T17:37:00.000+10:00

today was spent outside. after getting out of bed at 10am (felt so good to sleep in- something i NEVER do anymore), i had a quick breakfast and it was off to the beach. a friend had called and told us a whale was jumping off in the water close to shore. by the time we arrived, there was no whale. but that didn't keep me from swimming and having a run up the beach. next friday is the lifeguard physical tryout and i am just testing and preping my body for the day. i will do well enough to get a job. go figure after being cut open last may 17th!
returned home to eat lunch and then begin mowing the lawn. fuck, we have a lot of grass to mow. i don't enjoy it as much as i should, but the end result is always a pleasure to look upon. the yard looks so much better with a fresh cut lawn. by the time i finished, i realized my skin was screaming in pain. like a complete moron, i neglected to put on any sun screen the entire day. so needless to say, i got a fairly wicked sunburn. my own stupid fault, as i know better. life goes on.
thanks to all those who have left a comment recently. keep 'em coming.
it is now dinner time.

making a list

2006-09-14T15:47:00.001+10:00

there seems like there is so much to do in my life and so little time. i find that making lists and checking things off is the best way for me to cope. otherwise, i turn into an oozing bucket of stress and anxiety. fortunately, i have learned from the past experiences. going to uni, studying, work, interviews, homework, house renovations, baby preparation, cooking meals and a little quite time all before i go to sleep is enough to wear anyone down. all this, let alone finding time to sit down on the blog or email and catch up with current events, is enough to drive a normal person insane!!
how do some of you people do it? blog all day long, everyday. i figure you either have stress free lives, or sit in front of a computer for work while trying to avoid your work. am i right or wrong?
last night, i went the old fashion way, and after blogging, i actually sat down and picked up my journal. go figure. i used to be so faithful and pedantic about writing in my journal. then i got hooked on this blog thing, originally to put some of my creative work out there, but that has turned into an egocentric desire to be the center of peoples attention, even for just a moment, and to have that gratification when somebody leaves a response. (are you with me? are you even tempted to leave a comment? some people say they read this site from time to time, but leave no comment. why not?) yet, last night i wrote in my journal, and all i can tell you is this- it felt so good. it is pure freedom on the page that i don't get to experience on a computer. i can draw, i can glue things in, i can even write down a few words, that make no sense at all. if i want to make them public, i can rewrite them here on this site. but that seems like alot of work and i may as well, come up with something new. am i rambling? yes.
i will get off my trip, now.
in other news, naomi robson was arrested in indonesia. fuck her and her over sensationalized journalism that only breeds hate and ignorance leading to racists discrimination in this country. australia can certainly do without her sort of rhetoric. indonesia can keep that ugly bitch.

sowing the seeds

2006-09-13T18:57:00.000+10:00

this afternoon i came home from work early. i didn't have a last period to teach, and i am still not getting paid- easy decision. since today was the first day in several weeks where the sun was shining and i wasn't desperate to finish other projects around the house, cherry and i decided to plant the seeds for our vegetable garden...finally.
what we planted in order of back row to front. corn, zucchini, eggplant, cucumber, radish, lettuce, and carrots all in the newly created planter box designed special for the vegetables. then in the side garden against the fence, i planted green beans and tomatoes. throughout both gardens we also put in marigolds to keep away the pests. we also had a few sunflower seeds to plant around the entire yard for fun and a bit of color. i went a little crazy with the planting of them but we will see what grows and where. i am looking forward to seeing the outcome of our sowing effort, and even more, i am looking forward to eating the outcome of our sowing effort.
with all the rain we have had, the plants all look so healthy. i am looking forward to watching the entire garden grow with the beginnings of spring. everything except the dreaded buffalo grass. that means mowing the lawn, which in a way, is needing to be done now. no time no time.

when it rains it pours

2006-09-10T16:04:00.000+10:00

so sydney and most of new south wales is copping it pretty good with the wet weather. so much for all those out there campaigning for the pro-drought platform. it has been much needed rain.
the other day i had a flat tire. the cause was a nail in the rear right tire. pain in the ass really, i put the spare on and left it at that (i still need to get the original one plugged up). on my drive home, after changing tires, the radiator began to steam. the bottom radiator hose connecting to the engine sprung a leek. oh great! so a trip to the auto part store and a new hose and coolant later, the trouble was taken care of. cars. the shit never stops with all the issues, hassles, and problems involved with them. my advice, buy a bike and stick with that.
we got the house rendered (stuckoed) this past week.it looks great. the guy did a fantastic job, but left a mess all over the gardens and lawns for me to pick up. do to the heavy amounts of rain, i have only been able to look at the mess and do nothing else. but this afternoon, between rain showers i have picked up some of the mess, broke up the concrete globs in the gardens that were choking many of my plants, and moved the 2 cubic meters of sand he left on the grass. the guy over ordered on sand. basically, it was still on the grass- killing the lawn right in the middle of the front yard. so i moved it, basically spread it around the grass and the garden beds. one can easily "hide" a lot of dirt or in this case sand, by spreading it around the gardens. so i am hoping that it will piss down again with rain over the next day or two to help soak in and gently spread the sand around. however, with my luck, the weather will dry up. who the hell knows?
and then i find out that mini skirts are back in fashion- in a big way. what a world! what a life! where does all the time go?

croc hunter croaks

2006-09-05T09:49:00.000+10:00

yesterday evening i heard the news, steve irwim had been killed by a sting ray. i too felt saddened by the incident like so many people around the world, i am sure. the feeling i had was similar to that back in 1991 when the news announced magic johnson had contracted the HIV virus. these people who were larger than life, somehow became mortal human beings in an instant. life is so prescious, yet fleeting. it can alter course, or be taken away in a swift moment.
so, we face the passing of another inspiring human being, the crocodile hunter. it is a shame to have it happen, but when our number is up, we all must go. however, irwins death was inevitable. he was a man who flirted with disaster, danger, and death on a daily basis. i am reminded of the saying, "you mess with the bull, you get the horns." in this case you can substitute the ray for the bull and the sting for the horns. yet, the irony remains. farewell, steve irwin. thanks for all you have done for the planet, humans and animals. thanks for the memories.

a hectic life

2006-08-31T09:04:00.000+10:00

it feels as if someone has pushed the fast forward button on my life and forgotten they have done so. everything seems to be happening so damn fast. i don't have the time to catch up or enjoy the moment. there is a constant influx of "things to do." try as i might to get through the list, but the chores, due dates, meetings, and deadlines keep piling on top faster than i can count them.
truthfully, i am happy to do them all, but just not all at once. if i could have things my way, i would rather do a few items here and there. however, that is not to be.
i am currently neck deep in doing my student teaching for my education diploma- to be a teacher. this is all going well, but necesitates a lot of my time and energy. frijole (the baby) is due in the next 4 weeks, so there is a mad rush to get the last minute things in order. cherry is good and pregnant, and i am needing to look after her a bit more, although she is still mighty capable in most areas. the garden needs tending, i am doing my best to keep up with that, but it is beginning to show the neglect in some areas- the vegies need planting, lawn could use a mow. the renderers showed up 4 days early, and have begun rendering the house, already it looks great. yet, this has caused me to drop everything and last night i moved several pallets of bricks away from the side of the house. this activity took me well into the darkness of night. i have homework assignments to begin for my university courses. i am trying, without any luck, to organize an interview time with the department of education for new south wales. this is to be done on the internet, but their web site sucks and won't allow me to book a time. on sunday we are due up the coast for the christining (sp?) of a friends child. i am happy to go, but it has now become one more thing on the list. i am also due to demolish the back balcony on our house on saturday morning, thankfully a friend is going to help me with that job. and i am supposed to be resting and healing from my surgery. this is probably the most important thing i could do, but have no time to allow for it. plus, my body is fighting a cold, which is getting the better of me because of all the other activity i am finding myself doing.
i need to scream now. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaahahgfafhaoehrwnlnadmnxxxxaaagg!
i feel better. i keep telling myself "next week. next week it will all be better." maybe it is true, maybe it is a lie, either way it will be next week. what i do know is, i am glad to be alive. the rest is just entertainment so i am not bored.

you can always tell when it's a saturday, and there is work to be done

2006-08-26T19:26:00.000+10:00

you know, i sit down to write something and just come up with a total blank. it happens sometimes. i find it frustrating, but hey, what the hell can i do?
my saturday today started off well. we drove to avalon to check out the book fair that was on. in the end for 30 bucks, came away with some good books (all a tax right off, now that i am a teacher). originally, i has looking for some english lesson planning books, or books to help facilitate a lesson etc. but that range was slim and totally uninspiring. if i had a teacher try to use any of that material on my when i was in school i would have gone insane. basically, it was boring shit! however, we did find a few books worthy of classroom use, one for my university course, and a few childrens books for use on frijole, when frijole comes of age.
after the book fair, we checked out the beach, but i decided against the planned swim, because the day turned out to be quite frigid, especially in the wind. instead, i had a coffee and returned home to make a few overseas phone calls, have some lunch and a rest. then the remainder of the afternoon was dedicated to smashing and demolishing. i ripped off the aluminum awning over the back door, and took down the lame security shutters on the downstairs windows. the old lady who lived here before we did, had them installed. the house is booked in to be rendered in the next few weeks, so this is all prep work. all in all this house is coming along. we have some ambitious plans to fulfill before the end of the year. i think we are up for the challenge. but who knows once frijole arrives?? only a few more weeks to go now, then the verdict will be in.

was that the bell?

2006-08-25T16:55:00.000+10:00

i am officially complete with my first semester of student teaching (hooray). the plan is to have a weekend and roll right into my next session on monday. only 4 weeks to go. today was not the best day, as it was friday, and the students were so disinclined to learn. it is frustrating at times, but understandable from their perspective. it is challenging not to let on too much that i empathize with that behavior. really, who in their right mind wants to be at school on a friday afternoon. certianly not me. i never wanted to be there when i was school age either. i wasn't getting paid then, and i am not getting paid now. so perhaps when i do get paid for it maybe my song will change. until then, bring on the bell.
the lesson i did learn is that on a friday afternoon, it is advisable to show a video for the last part of the class. i had the students attention for the first 30 minutes then they lost focus. the end result, i gave in and allowed them to talk at their desks the remainder of the period. why fight it? when it is 20 to 1 there is no way i was going to win. i figured i won a little the battle of keeping them at their seats for most whole period.
ladies and gentlemen, these are your children- the future of the world, the ones who will be looking after you when you are drooling and in diapers.

poppy

2006-08-22T16:09:00.000+10:00

i have read somewhere the following- grandparents and grandchildren are natural allies. this is me with my grandfather "poppy" on our recent trip to the united states. i love him so much.

the last 3 days

2006-08-21T20:06:00.000+10:00

the past few days i have been busy. saturday i worked in the garden all day. although i called it quits at 3pm and went inside to have a couple of beers and watched the wallabies lose to the all blacks, as expected.
yesterday was sunday, and we spent the morning at the beach. it was so nice. we both jumped in the water. it was cold though, then i went for a run up the beach and back for about 8 minutes non stop. i was exhausted, but very pleased with myself for being able to do it. then i went for another swim. it wasn't so bad, since i was all heated up from the run.
over the past few days i have been taking up the grass in the back yard in one corner as i am going to plant a veggie garden. the grass i have taken up i have tried to plant in other areas around the yard where the grass was patchy, so it has taken alot longer than i hoped but i am nearly finished with that chore. we are too strapped for cash to just chuck out the grass and plant nice new turf. it would be so much easier and have an instantly more uniform look to it. but really, after spring kicks in and the heat of summer turns on, the grass will grow so fast, you wouldn't be able to tell. then i will spend most of my time "chasing the green buffalo," otherwise known as mowing the lawn.
i have gone back to doing my student teaching, and am doing that full time monday-friday. it is exhausting, yet today i came home and worked for 2 hours in the back yard, moving more grass and pulling weeds etc. i have so much to catch up on it seems like i can never get ahead in that yard, but i know that one day it will be just as we want it, then i am sure we will move.
we already have a scare crow in the yard. it is left over from last years halloween party. so once the garden up, gretchen- the name of our scare crow, will have an instant job. don't know if she'll scare off the birds though, as a few tend to hang out in the back yard as it is.
tomorrow after work, i am planning on another jog, but i might just get stuck into finishing off the garden and prep it for planting, although i think i am going to need more dirt. dirt, jog, it is a tough decision to make. anyway you look at it, it's work. but damn it is good to be alive. i am just not enjoying the overwhelmed feeling i get on a daily basis. it was good being on holidays. i think i am about over due for another one...

find out when mommy and daddy made you

2006-08-16T17:18:00.000+10:00

so i get this email with a link to your birthday. it has all the events that were going on at that time, the phase of the moon, your special numbers, star signs, a list of people who share the same birthday, and the clencher- the day you were most likely conceived. pretty cute, eh?
so, people i know all over the world are having babies, or about to drop them. i just found out, just this second, one girl had her baby in the parking lot of the hospital. it is all so exciting isn't it?
we too will be joining the club of parenthood very soon. i can hardly wait. last night i fell asleep with my hand on my wife's belly, while frijole was drumming away. i am so pleased that we did not find out the sex of frijole. it seems to me like such a lame fad. i know others "want to prepare..." but for what? you are having a child! someone put it to me the other day, "we are categorized by our gender for our entire lives, it is nice for a while to not have those classifications placed upon an individual." i am in full agreement here. even the mystery and the speculation is so much fun. we will find out the answer soon enough to the gender question. however, even if we found out at the 18 week mark, what could we do about it anyway? i am going to love my child regardless.
really, the only question in my mind is this- i put frijole's details into the b-day calculator, and the result was that i had sex on january 2, 2006- so is that correct? i can't remember. it could have been around the time of the wild party on new years eve...

slave labor is difficult to come by

2006-08-14T16:09:00.000+10:00

today is monday. i have once again begun the first day of my practical teaching component to complete the diploma in education course. basically, this translates to- i am doing the time to get the paper. then i can be a paid teacher in this country.
the negative side to all this is the fact that i basically work full time over these weeks and get no pay out of it. this makes life more challenging as i am not able to work or have an income from another source. you can do the math here. thus, we are chomping into our savings to survive. i am too buggered after a day in the classroom to get my head and body around finding another job. then there is the weekend. life is too short. i know for a fact, as i have learned this lesson not once, but twice now.
i figure working for free to become a teacher is like volunteer work for a field of work you have an interest in. afterall, thousands of teachers have come before me. they have had to suffer just as i am, without the financial compensation. so now, i too, am getting "jumped in" just so i can join the ranks of educators across the globe. if i put any more meaning into this, and didn't just sit back and have a laugh about it (because the whole thing is farcical) i would have the potential to becoming a disgruntled teacher even before i began. the thought of that is even funnier.
yes, i survived the first day back. can i do another 29 days? piece of cake.

back on the board

2006-08-13T19:07:00.000+10:00

i've been dreaming about is for nearly three months. i have been talking about it for about two months. i have been threatening to do it for the past three days. today i finally did it.... i got back on the surf board and went for a surf. it was fantastic.
i wasn't out looking for the biggest surf. i just wanted a nice 2-3 foot wave, and that is what i got at long reef today. the water was crystal clear and warm. the sun was out with a blue sky. the wave the ocean put up was awesome.
i have been unsure how my stomach would cope lying on a surf board and paddling around, post operation. except for one moment when i went over a wave and strained my abdominal muscles (i squeeled in pain), the entire session was perfect. i caught all but 2 waves i paddled for. i surfed like i haven't been out of the water for three months. it felt like it could have been last week since my last wave. the rest of the people in the line up would have had no clue i was lying in the hospital this past may. i could hardly imagine it myself.
i am feeling great at the moment in my recovery and fitness levels. i am exhausted tired tonight, but am stoked with the outlook of a healthy future.
tomorrow i am back to my student teaching at the local high school around the corner. i am doing six weeks straight- no pay. i am eager to get it all over and done with. i am a bit over the study and work full time routine. i am way over the work for free routine. shit, they could at least offer me peanuts or something. in order to give the appearance of a changed man, i decided to grow a bit of facial hair. perhaps it will provide me with a bit more authority in the class. yeah, right.

in the garden

2006-08-11T16:39:00.000+10:00

the past week it has finally stopped raining. the first week of our glorious return was not so glorious, as we were confronted with rain, jet lag, house work, and some sort of cold/flu bug we picked up in transit. however, we have conquered all.
today, i have spent most of the sunshine hours outside working in the back yard. since having so much rain as of late, one part of the grass has turned into a bog. so i have put in some drainage pipe in hopes of preventing the bog to reoccur. that too some time. then i began building a new garden bed along the fence line and moving some of the turf i had pulled up. basically, i have moved piles of dirt and rocks in and out of holes all day long. in the end, it looks pretty much the same, but i know underneath, it is better.
honestly, i am just happy to be alive and healthy enough to actually do some work. it feels so therapeutic so play in the dirt. if you don't know what i am talking about, then go out and start playing in the dirt right this minute.
my day ended with a long soak in the bath.

creating the nest

2006-08-05T10:24:00.000+10:00

i must be acting under the forces of nature. ever since we have returned home from our north america tour, i have had this imperative urge to fix up the nursery. over the past few days, i have put together the basanet, put up shelving, cleaned, the floors, waxed up the rocking chair, and carried basket loads of baby clothes between upstairs and the laundry downstairs. never in my life have i felt this way. i feel like a swallow, darting around from here to there with this unrelenting urgency. is this the paternal instinct?
most of the clothes are now folded, waiting to be put away. then what? i guess the waiting game begins. we are now approaching the 7 weeks to go mark. things are starting to get very exciting. there are still a few other small items we need to prepare for the home birth. so we have made a check list and we are checking it twice. up to this point everything is going smoothly.

smokers corner

2006-08-04T10:47:00.000+10:00

why is it that people continue to smoke cigarettes? even though most people realize and know that smoking is a leading factor in heart disease and cancer, they still choose to smoke. it amazes me. despite this conundrum, i still hang out with those that smoke. in fact, i always have hung out with the smokers- all my life.
although i do not smoke, i have occasionally had a puff or two, and in a drunken fit have sucked down a few cigarettes in my life time. however, i have never bought a pack of cigarettes for myself. i have purchased them for others. once, i bought a pouch of loose leaf tobacco while in morroco, in order to roll up and smoke the stick of chocolate hash i had bought. that is was the high light of my tobacco smoking career. pot? well that is another story for another time.
these days, i still hang out with the smokers. yet, it is from a greater distance and up wind from the harsh smell. i have to always ask of those people, "why do you smoke?" the most common response is, "i am trying to quit." i always find that statement ironic. usually, i reply with "why not quit now?" and that is met with silence and a long thoughtful drag on the cigarette, before it is put out. their body, their life.
you can choose to smoke. i can choose to not hang out with you. all that is just fine. however, what pisses me off the most is the irresponsible fuck-wit with no self respect that simply tosses their cigaretter butt where ever they may be. i can only say this. pick up after yourself!

the world of science

2006-08-03T18:40:00.001+10:00

so in rediscovering the world of college life, i was put onto this site. this is an insight into one of the many projects that are going on out there. it is a pretty amazing little gadget, and it is entertaining to watch. it is a lot more entertaining than watching the guy suck marijuana through the bong. however, if i or you were the one sucking on the bong, along with some of our friends while listening to carlos santana, well that would certainly be more entertaining than the styrofoam tornado project.
a word of caution, once you enter the youtube.com arena it is easy to get sucked into the vortex and never come out. beware

quarantine me

2006-08-02T16:02:00.000+10:00

i've been on and off planes for the past 3 weeks. i have changed time zones so many times, i don't know when i am. i have gone sleepless more than 6 nights in that time. finally, i have left a hot, balmy, southern california summer to return to a cold damp winter in australia. some where in that time i have picked up a bug- it is a cough, runny nose, and now a sore throat due to one enormous swollen gland (on the left side). i am still jet lagged and my alergies are raging in this dusty house. maybe i have SARS?
since, returning home, i have mowed lawns and cleaned the yards, and today i have vacuumed the whole house, and tackled small projects around the place. we are only on our third day back, and already i am beginning to feel like i never left. i have just woken from a nap and don't feel much better. i think i hit the wall four days ago, but only just realized it now.
the day is feeling like it is about to rain.

the return to oz

2006-08-01T15:19:00.000+10:00

we are back. i was not ready to leave, but in the end had to. my wife and yet to be born child were boarding the plane and i couldn't be left behind. although it was a tearful good-bye at the airport. really it was a tearful good-bye for the past 4 days as i parted with friends and family i will not see again for some time.
i want to state it once again for the record- i had the best time. everywhere we went, everything we did, and everyone we saw, it was a great 6 week adventure.
so the plane ride? what an experience! we were hearded into economy class with the rest of the cattle. about an hour into the flight, the cabin crew started to serve dinner. both cherry and i declined, due to the fact that the food was a bit gross and we had also pigged out at a mexican restaurant only an hour before boarding the plane (i overly pigged out, as i needed to get my fix). i ordered a bourbon on the rocks and cherry ordered a tea. that was our in flight meal. it couldn't have been more than 5 minutes after receiving our drinks, while we were watching the movie, when i heard cherry squeeling and squirming in her seat. i looked over and she was covered in her tea. some lady had been digging into the overhead compartment and dropped her hardcover bible onto cherry, spilling her tea and whacking her in the abdomen and thus hitting frijole. i was upset. cherry was clearly upset. the woman who had caused the ruckus was upset but helpless to do anything other than say, "i'm sorry. i am so sorry."
finally the flight attendant came up with some towels and a bit of ice, as we were unsure how burned cherry was from the hot tea. it turned out she was not burned, but soaked through. about one minute later the flight attendant stood cherry up in the aisle, then pointed to me saying, "get your bags and follow me." i began to smile as i new where we were headed.
we followed him towards the front of the plane where we were given two business class seats! it was totally awesome. frijole fought of christianity at an early age and we got upgraded. the result was a few hours of uninterrupted sleep on the 14 1/2 hour flight between LA and sydney. after that it was pretty smooth sailing the rest of the way.
however, we have still been battling jet lag and there are about a million and a half things to do. last night we slept in our own bed for the first time in 6 weeks. let me tell you, it was awesome. i slept nearly 13 hours straight. i am still a little tired today, but i am charging through it.
(if you don't want to take my word for it then read this story to find out a different perspective on the events)

whoa, so hot right now

2006-07-29T06:14:00.000+10:00

los angeles is burning up! it feels like hades. so if the movie industry of hollywood is going to hell, this past few weeks has been good practice for all the residents. did i mention that i am loving the weather? bring it on, turn it up, let's bake. who needs air-conditioning?
we are now under 48 hours, until the mass exodus of ourselves and all the new things we have acquired here in america, where everything is bigger and better. most of our bags are filled with baby clothes etc. although, both ms. j and myself have bought a few things too. however, the bags are packed and the food is chilling in the fridge in preparation for the barbeque this evening. we are going out in style, pool party and everything.
the plan for the rest of the day is to relax, catch up with friends and family, and drink cold beer between the multitude of swims. i count myself lucky to have grown up in southern california with a swimming pool in the back yard. if you have ever flown in a plane over LA and looked down, you would be aware that nearly 3 in 4 back yards have a swimming pool. still, i am lucky.
i don't truly want to leave, as i have been having so much fun. but until then... party on.

this aint no disco

2006-07-28T02:30:00.000+10:00

two days to go. what happened to it all? last minute catching up with friends and family don't seem to quite do any of it justice. however, it is better than nothing.
looking back, the whole holiday has passed by too quickly, but every moment has been dripping with quality fun and good times. in a lot of ways i am ready to go "home," to sleep in my own bed, eat the organic fruits and vegies that have become a habit in our lives, and to just chill out. yet, in many ways i am anxious to stay and rekindle my california lifestyle and culture. los angeles and california in general are both very much a part of who i am and what i am about. so, yes, it does feel odd to rip myself away from my roots and travel 13000 miles across the ocean to live, down under.
i have done or accomplished pretty much everything i set out to do at the beginning of the trip. i have visited and squeezed most people i intended to see, with the exception of a few who have slipped through the cracks due to unforseen circumstances. however, you can't attribute for everyone and everything when you make such grand plans.
overall, i have truly had the best time. thanks to everyone who went out of there way and participated in our little north american adventure. and if you do happen to be reading this, then you should know that we are serious when we say- "we expect to see you in australia." our door is open, and your bed is waiting.

samuel adams would have been proud

2006-07-27T04:25:00.000+10:00

exercising my rights to free speech and assembly as an american citizen. i always wanted to protest outside the white house. i had my chance, and i took it. i did not want to leave the capitol with any feelings of regret. so i went to the drup store and bought my poster board for 89 cents. wrote some words on it, and headed down to 1600 pennsylvania avenue.
this was a bit of a two for one moment. as i am no fan of either bush jr. or little johnny, i figured why not hit them both.

the journey continues

2006-07-27T04:01:00.000+10:00

from canada we flew onto washington dc to spend a weekend with my sister. it was another hell day of travel, as we were up at 4am in vancouver to catch a cab to the airport and then fight our way through customs and the bitch metal scanner women. in the end i won.
so it was onto the flight vancouver to dallas. then a few hours of lay-over in dallas. we spent the time eating at a tex-mex restaurant in the airport, not bad food, but too pricey for mexican. then it was onto the dallas to d.c. flight, where i think i caught a bug and have been fighting a cold since.
in washington we did the sight seeing thing of the monuments and the capitol and white house. unfortunately, we had to skip the museums as there was no time for that. the next trip we will definitely do some of the museums. however, between boat trips, beers, and monuments, we managed to catch a baseball game at rfk stadium, home to the washington nationals. they played the cubs in an sweltering afternoon game and ended up with a cruching victory 7-1. the atmosphere was fantastic. that was our last day in the nations capitol. we ended up the night with dinner on the rooftop apartment and lots of laughs.
once again, we were up and out at an early pre-dawn hour. we were on the road, this time in a rental car, at 5:30am. we made dulles airport with plenty of time to chill out before the flight to los angeles, once again via the dallas airport.
we are now back to the apocolyptic heat of los angeles, were the days have been averaging 115F. it is nice to have access to a backyard swimming pool. there are only days left in this trip.

the feline furor

2006-07-21T11:19:00.000+10:00

need a good laugh? check this site out.

thanks for all the memories

2006-07-21T11:07:00.000+10:00

(this is the second time i write this posting due to some computer fuck up- i am not pleased). well the canada adventure comes to an end. loads of great times and plenty of relaxation, when my attention wasn't demanded and dominated by the hoards of little kids. the rugrats? some were great, others total brats, and a few in between. can't believe we are about to have one of our own. we are counting down the weeks, soon to be days, until the moment of truth arrives. the big question on everyone's mind, is frijole a frijolito or frijolita?? the mystery remains. personally i am getting anxious.
we have done loads of baby shopping. i think i have seen nearly every baby shop in lower british columbia, and made a purchase from them all. by the size of our bags, filled with baby paraphenalia, going back to australia, you'd think we were having triplets.
the whole holiday in maple leaf central in a nutshell- i loved the time spent in vernon b.c. so mellow, and full of good times, good food, good laughs, good people, and the good life. lake swims were a major highlight for me on this whole journey. i am doing some major distance... finally. it feels good. i could definitely live here for a period of time in the future. if i need the city lifestyle, vancouver would do, easily.
tomorrow, we are up before dawn to catch a taxi to the airport for a 7am flight to washington dc via dallas. what is up with that? this trip is over in 10 days time. "boo-hoo. i don't want to go home." i have been learning to throw a tantrum from some of the best.

clearly it is canada

2006-07-14T01:06:00.000+10:00

so the last few weeks have been a blur. america. what can i say? been having way too much fun to be bothered to sit down to write. although it has crossed my mind to do so from time to time. the distractions of family, friends, and the need for some sleep have kept me from the task of journaling all our events in some detail. now we have left the united states, but shall return.
yes, we arrived in canada with some drama, but we made it in the end. we have done this trip on frequent flyer miles and thus the directions we must travel to get from point A to point B take us through nearly the whole alphabet. we left LA very early morning on the tuesday. the flight to dallas was fine, but then our flight to vancouver was cancelled and we were put on a later flight. when we finally did arrive in vancouver, we were very late for the connector which was leaving in like 20 minutes. we were provided with a cart and driver and taken clear across the airport. our driver was driving fast! it was crazy and totally surreal. i think we nearly ran over six people along the way. maybe we did, we just didn't stop to check. there was no time. in the end, we made the plane and finally arrive in kelowna at 10:45pm it was a long day.
i have finally kicked the cold, but cherry is definitely fighting it and doing it rough. she has over exhausted herself with fun, i think. she is just too excited to be in canada with her relatives etc. i know the feeling as, i am the same way when i am in LA.
and so we now have another 9 days in this country as 2 have already passed us by. so far so great. just loving the fact that i am on vacation. i am still a little tender in the belly, but healing nicely. sneezing still provides me with considerable discomfort along with bouncing over speed bumps and pot holes in the car. i am swimming as much as i can, when i can. it seems to be the best from of exercise, as there is the least about of bounce. i am nearly capable of fully stretching out in the pool.

back in the ussa

2006-07-07T02:09:00.000+10:00

so here's the deal. i have been in america for two weeks now, and am just now sitting down to write. the reason? well, i have been busy. there are so many people to catch up with, friends, family, all loved ones, that i simply just have not had the time. nor the desire, because i have been busy living life. (on that note, i am healing just wonderfully.)
the top three first impressions on being back in los angeles and california in general. number 1- there are a lot of cars. number 2- most people are pissed off, disgusted, and totally embarrased by the president, bush jr. number 3- so much mexican food, i don't have enough time to enjoy it all.
i am loving the fact that i am home. it just feels so good to see all these people that are so important to me. even more exciting is that my sister is flying in from washington dc tonight. i can hardly wait.
there is certainly more to tell, but i am holding my breath for the tales at a later date.

taking off

2006-06-20T12:44:00.000+10:00

the bags are all packed, passport in hand, doors locked, i am ready to go. we are leaving for sunny california tomorrow. i can hardly wait. the trip that has been in the planning for nearly a year now, is finally about to become reality. i am healing well enough to travel. i a have been moving around fairly comfortably for a few days now. the last 3 days have been the best, as i have actually been able to stand up straight. i am so looking forward to spending time with my family. this has been the longest stretch of time i have gone without a trip home, over 2 1/2 years. so needless to say, this is a much needed holiday. only one more sleep til we are on that plane, then it is a surreal 14 hour flight with little to no sleep, but i am hoping to get some along the way. bon voyage.

the last essay

2006-06-16T10:47:00.000+10:00

i am up early this morning despite the cold air. i am trying to finish my last written essay for this irish literature course i have been taking. i have had to get an extension on the due date, due to the fact that i was hospitalized and drugged out for weeks. the assignment was due about the same time the surgeon was slicing me up the belly. at the moment, rather than writing up the last of 3 essays, i am procrastinating and blogging. it isn't helping matters.

as the world turns

2006-06-14T17:29:00.000+10:00

so many changes have happened in the last 4 weeks, and then again nothing has changed. i have undergone this major operation, had a tumor cut out and am now healing. i can actually stretch a little, and move around a little bit more. i have kicked my morphine habit. i have completed the third semester of my studies. my life is looking up. i have the nastiest scar to support these things.
then i read the newspaper.... the quest for world peace is in utter shambles. war is raging along in iraq, afghanistan, and east timor. the road to a green, healthy planet is non-existant. oil consumption and oil prices are at an all time high. hollywood actors are whoring out photos of their children to bail out third world countries from foreign debt. world cup soccer is in full swing, with australia winning their first game over japan in a come from behind nail bitter. john howard wants australia to go nuclear, despite public objection. truly, nothing has changed.
after spending the last 4 weeks holed up and ignorant of world events, and to come out to this sort of current event news, i am devastated. this is cause for deep consideration to crawl back under the rock i was hiding with and stay there. however, once one has been enlightened, it is nearly impossible to return to ignorance. one can only dream fantastical of what was. reality on the other hand, is scary, sobering, shit. perhaps that is why many people turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. not that i am suggesting i am turning to drugs and alcohol to cope, however, i can understand why people do it. but a cold beer would be nice.

getting there

2006-06-12T11:54:00.000+10:00

well another day passes and i am still cooped up at home. however, i am healing. i know this for certain, as everyday i wake up in the morning and there is a slight improvement on the day before, in terms of how i feel. today is monday, a public holiday, celebrating some queen- dead or alive. who cares? the best part about today is the fact that the sun is out! sunshine. it is the first day in about 2 1/2 weeks without rain. it is a nice change in the weather, and an oportunity to stand outside and sun my belly. which i have already done, and may continue to do when i finish typing.
the internal pain from the cutting and trauma, is starting to subside. the pain in the belly, where they did the cutting and prying open is still sore, but getting better. my stomach muscles or lack of, are having their first inklings of actually becoming useful. so that is a positive sign. but truthfully, i am sick and tired of this feeling. i am ready to play. i am ready for a holiday in the sun. which is only 9 days and a 14 hour plane ride away. then i will be back in the land of my birth, the warm california sunshine state.

couch potato

2006-06-05T13:09:00.000+10:00

wham. and just like that, i have turned into an instant couch potato. this is the major draw back to this recovery. there is not much i can do, other than sleep and sit. i find i migrate between the bed and the couch. riding in the car still is a challenge and going outside is not really an option as it has been raining for 4 days straight. so i find myself on the couch. i have plenty to read, but am uninspired and unenthused to pick up another book. why? don't know. yet, i find myself turning on the idiot box, way too much. if you didn't already know, let me tell you, day time television sucks, sucks, sucks. at least on the weekends there is some sort of sporting game to watch. but weekdays, television sucks.
i need some other distraction, but am seriously lacking. i have homework assignments to tackle and complete, but keep procrastinating. despite the fact that i have all the time in the world to do them, i just don't. although i know i will be much more positive about the issue, if i just did them. but instead, i sit here on the couch and watch television. i am getting crabbier by the moment. it is time for a nap.

nightmares

2006-06-02T17:46:00.000+10:00

the past two nights i have hardly slept. i have been troubled with nightmares. both nights they have been pretty similar.---
i am alone in this strerile white room on an operating/examination table. there are lights on all over the place. it is bright, and i am waiting. i am waiting for a man, who later enters the room, but i never can see his face. when i ask what is going on, he only shrugs and says it is for my own good. "what is?" i demand. he ignores me altogether and opens several drawers in a silver cabinet that sits to the left side of the room. on a tray he places his tools. carving tools. he approaches me lying on the table with his tray of tools. i struggle to move, and only then realize i am strapped to the table. my hands and feet are all bound. i plead for an explanation from the man. he continues to ignore me, but only repeats "it is for your own good." i scream for help as he starts to cut into my belly. no one responds. the man keeps cutting.
the dream continues to replay itself over and over and over again, through out the night. i can't sleep. the nightmare keeps me restless and only plays while it is dark. for the last few days i can only sleep during the day light. i know this is playing itself out from my subconscious post surgery. yet, why? is it the coming down from the drugs? what? one suggestion is the anesthetic. that is a crazy drug. i for one, just want to sleep tonight.

blog away

2006-05-31T16:40:00.000+10:00

i just realized. i've been blogging for more than two years now. the anniversary slipped by while i was in an opiated state. which literally means- doped out of my mind so badly i didn't know up from down. at that point i could care less about the world and the blog. but yes, just like a junkie to heroin, i am back for more. (i figured the pun to be appropriate.)

call me sick, because i am

2006-05-31T15:35:00.000+10:00

i got back the photos of the operation today. i took in a disposable camera to the hospital, the kind with a flash. i was curious to know what they were going to do to me and how they were going to go about it. i had asked one of the surgeons ahead of time, if it was o.k. he agreed. so i gave the camera to one of the crew and asked for a few photos. they took about 10. holy fuck! it is some nasty gruesome shit. i will have to learn to scan them into the computer and then upload then on the blog site. but i am afraid if i do that i may be arrested for snuff film. what they did to me is straight out of the pages of mary shelley. it is dr. frankenstien shit. and the tumor they cut out! my god, it is huge. but better out than in.
my justification for the photos now is this- i got this huge scar on my body. i freak out everytime i look at my belly, and at least this gives me an explanation as to why and how i have it.
today is two weeks post surgery. i am moving around town, slowly. but still moving. tomorrow will be better than today. at least i know i am healing.

not that i am whinging

2006-05-30T09:26:00.000+10:00

guess what? i am 13 days out of surgery.... alright, day three off the pain killers has started off pretty good. although the spot on my inside, next to the aorta and left kidney where the surgeons did all the cutting, has started to become irritated again. other than the incision, that is the area of the most trauma. so i am not surprised for it to hurt. not only did the surgeons remove the infected lymph nodes (13 in all, i read the biopsy report) but they also scraped off the top of the kidney, as the tumor was glued, stuck-on, attached, to the kidney itself. i am thinking it will grow back, or it may be wishful thought. who cares? i do sort of, but as long as the pain goes away, i know i can function fine on one kidney, although the left one is still working.
on the positive side of things, i am still popping lots of pills- my chinese pills. these ones are designed for healing and nutrition for my body. as opposed to the western medicine which kills the pain and makes one constipated. a funny observation is that the western hospital pills tend to be more white and clinical, and the chinese, eastern medicine, is more colorful. the chinese pills have no unwanted side effects.
so i have been spending the days at home either in bed or on the couch or walking in between. pretty exciting stuff, but it is way better than sitting idly in a hospital bed self injecting on morphine. my stay there was a complete fucking nightmare. i can't believe it was for 7 days. the time dragged on but really it did pass quickly. while in hospital i kept thinking, really, there is no place like home. there is no place like home. there is no place like home. i clicked my fuzzy brown slippers together three times and was out of there, and ended up back in dee why.

cold turkey

2006-05-29T09:26:00.000+10:00

yesterday i made a valliant attempt to get off the pain killers. it lasted all day until bed time. that is when i broke down and popped a couple of pills. mostly because the pain was too much and i couldn't relax, and partly because i just wanted to be knocked out and fall asleep.
the morning started off real bad when i sneezed! holy fuck. i had not had a sneeze since the operation. this nearly killed me. when i am needing to cough or sneeze or even blow my nose, i am supposed to hold a pillow against my chest. it acts like a make shift splint while i do what needs to be done. when the sneeze came on, it was too quick, i could not reach the pillow in time. there was a second one, but i had managed to hug it tightly to minimize the effect as best i could, but the damage had been done. i think i ripped a few internal stiches with the one sneeze. that was before i even got out of bed.
however, i was still determined to get off the pain killers. mostly because i am so tired of being all doped out all the time. my head can't take much more of the narcotics. in hospital i was on alot of morphine, and the take home pills are a morphine derivitive. not only do they make you feel real cool at first, but they go on to screw with your brain and make your bowels totally constipated. which was adding to my abdominal pain. sort of a catch 22. morphine in an opiate. yeah, same thing as opium and heroin. guess i wouldn't make the best junkie.
yesterday i went for a few walks and a car trip up to the local organic markets, then to the beach to sit in the sun and watch the surf. it was a great day to be out and enjoying life. in the evening i sat in front of the idiot box for nearly 4 1/2 hours watching complete shit. i was tired but not wanting to go to bed and just stuck in that state of limbo. it sucked. this whole experience sucks.
but like the swim coach at UCSC, mickey wender, used to say- "pain is weakness leaving the body." so if that is the case next year i should be mr. universe.

alive and kicking

2006-05-26T16:52:00.000+10:00

yup. you guessed it. i made it through. it was a crazy nightmare. most of the stay in hospital i was too doped up on morphine to know what exactly was going on. but my wonderful wife had sent an email out to friends and family, that better sums up and explains my situation.

cherrybean said: brent is doing amazingly well. with the major invasion and huge gash in his belly, he is noticeably better everyday. we are sure the massive
amounts of chinese herbs he took weeks prior to the surgery are helping in his
strong recovery. his liver is getting worked with all the drugs - pain relief,
antibiotics, anti nausea etc. he is still just on a liquid diet of -
chicken broth, jello and apple juice, 3 times a day. mmm. and he farted
yesterday!! yay! first time. so that was actually a big step, as his bowel is
waking up and going to start working soon. he wee's alot with the sodium chloride
iv drip that keeps him hydrated. so that is lots of ups and shuffles to
the loo, instead of peeing in the bottle. he takes walks [shuffles] around
the ward, one hand out in front, braced, and the other dragging his iv pole
along. i give his calves and feet a really good massage every day. his
feet and ankles are quite swollen. but still wears the compression socks, as
he spends most his time laying on his back. he is starting to want to lay
on his side, but still too painful. it takes him a while to sit up and is
shaky when he stands, but he's on a mission and having less pain everyday.
they will take him off morphine soon, perhaps today. it makes him itchy all
over, sleepy and nauseas, but still likes the relief it gives. he vomits here
and there, which really hurts his belly. he is getting alot of visitors now, which entertains him and loves the support and care he is getting, but it tires him out. by late afternoon he is pretty groggy and not very responsive. i snuggle down with him for a couple hours at night and he sleeps alot easier with me there. snuggle
bunny that he is, laying on his back and straight, i make all effort to be
still and just rub his head and his hands. he has bruises on his arm from
needles and has a needle in his collarbone/shoulder area still [a central line,
for more immediate response]. the nurses have generally been great. its
being in a public hospital with all the noise and 4 people to a room, with
construction going on in the room next door that doesn't allow him really
enough good deep sleep.

in 2 days time

2006-05-15T20:41:00.000+10:00

...they are going to cut me open. i am going to have a para-aortic lymph node dissection. it is way too fucked up for words (the procedure). i am tired of thinking about it, talking about it, everything. but regardless, it is going to happen.

the count down

2006-05-12T14:39:00.000+10:00

it is 5 days until i go under the knife. it is constantly on my mind. who in their right mind wants to undergo surgery? not me, certainly. however, i want to get it over and done with. this waiting thing is nearly driving me nuts, as the thoughts of surgery and all the "what ifs" that go along with it seem to preoccupy most of my thinking. there are a lot of potential errors to be had in this operation, one of which is bleeding out on the table. yippee.
i have a surgeon that nearly everyone says is the best. so that is somewhat comforting.
the new "found" scar on my body upon waking from the operation should be interesting and a good topic for discussion, and show-and-tell for some time.
mentally, i am as prepared as i will ever be. so let's bring it on. physically, i feel great, except for the tumor growing inside of me.
drugs. it is another issue deeply on my mind. they are going to turn me into a junky for a few days with the morphine or pethadine or what ever pain relief i am sure i will be begging for. how do i feel about this? not too pleased. really, drugs are great. then you have to eventually come down, and that sucks. i don't want them (i say this now). but really i don't want them in my body. i have had enough of the most expensive pharmacuetical drugs money can buy. take it from me, it is not worth it. i would prefer to skip it all and just go for a surf.
which brings me to another point. there is no bloody surf anywhere. i want to fit in a last surf before my stomach gets cut open, and there are no waves. go figure? after living a life of 32 years on lake pacific, i should come to expect this. once again, the ocean wins.
in conclusion, i may or may not be writing on this sight for a while (although i may sneak one or two more in pre-surgery). in the words of douglas mac arthur- i shall return. so stay tuned.

more reasons to end the dick'n'bush show

2006-05-12T14:32:00.000+10:00

more compelling evidence that something is rotten in the white house, and it is not the fish.... the following are two long, must-reads about Bush-- one by historian Sean Wilentz, and one by Carl Bernstein.
both are fairly lengthy articles but so well spoken that when you get to the end you find yourself in tears of frustration and gobsmacked by the fact that it is all so surreal. however, it is relavent information to arm yourself with.
#1- the rolling stone article
#2- the vanity fair article
don't just take my word for it. read it. get proactive. this is your world too!

can't see the forest from the bushes

2006-05-11T08:04:00.000+10:00

just what the world needs- another bush. if is wasn't bad enough when we lived through the first bush as president. then we got slammed, when the second one was elected. you know who i am talking about, that current mental midget who is galavanting around town as the "president of the united states." we still got 2 1/2 years of torture with this guy in office. now there is suggestion that there is a possibility of a third bush. what the fuck is going on? let us just reflect in the fact that it was jeb bush who; lied, cheated, stole, and changed laws in the state of florida in order to get the moron we have now elected as president nearly 6 years ago. do you really think he is good president material?

at least it is not malignant

2006-05-09T07:44:00.000+10:00

as most of you may know by now, the tumor i had in my kidney region has begun to grow again. for those of you just finding out, surprise!
this is a lymph node that was infected with the original cancer 3 years ago, but was treated and turned into a cyst (scar tissue) with the chemotherapy. at the time, with advice of my oncologist, it was something i could live life with and have nothing affected. however, i had to maintain regular scans and check ups to keep an eye on it. well those regular scans have proved their worth, as the last CT scan last month picked up on the fact that this cyst was growing. for about 3 weeks i was sweating bullets as, there was no indication to whether it was malignant or benign growth.
i had to undergo a special radioactive exam called a PET scan, which looks for fast growing cells- malignant cancer. nearly $1000 and lying very very still for 2 hours, i later found out the good news, it was benign.
the cyst is what is referred to as a benign teratoma. but it is growing nonetheless. i can feel it. it is now the size of a golf ball, and will continue to grow and grow. there is also the possibility that it will turn nasty and evil, so i want the bugger out.
i have been interviewing and looking into surgeons over the past 3 weeks to determine the best person and best course of action to take to achieve the best result. last night cherry and i met with another surgeon and have chosen to him to do the job.
so on may 17, 2006 i am going to get sliced open threw the belly and undergo 2-4 hours of surgery to have this tumor removed. it is on the iside of my left kidney, near my spine, near my descending aorta, and other nerves. to get at it, my colon, small intestine and perhaps a few other vital organs will be moved aside for this thing to get at. while the surgeon is in there, they will cut out and clean away all the infected lymph node etc. to me it sounds like dr frankenstein stuff, but what other choice have i got? i will be in hospital for 5-7 days and should take 4-5 weeks to have an 80% recovery and up to 3 months for full recovery.
the bad news is i am going to be sore and somewhat immobile. the good news, i will be around on planet earth, still stirring shit up.

5-5-06

2006-05-06T11:33:00.000+10:00

feliz cinco de mayo. usted tiene una margarita.

the people united, shall never be divided

2006-05-02T20:44:00.000+10:00

how much do people want to pay for a head of lettuce in the united states? at the moment, you can typically walk into a market anywhere and pay less than $1.50 for a head of lettuce. now consider, if you erradicated all migrant workers from the fields, mostly illegal, who then would pick the crops? your average american would find the work too difficult. even if you could find someone to do the job, they would demand substantial pay in return and expect decent housing (not the substandard housing that is generally provided). how much would a head of lettuce cost then? 6 dollars? 7 dollars? and what of strawberries, grapes, and any other fruit and vegetable one purchases from the market? all this is taken for granted.
the american domestic economy is dependent upon the migrant worker. so why this drive to demonize people searching for work? especially people who have been working and living in the united states, doing the dirty, disgusting jobs most people turn their noses at? think about it. these people wash your dishes and prepare your food at most of the restaurants you frequent. they are the ones cultivating and harvesting the crops and foods you eat. they collect your waste. they tend your gardens and provide day supervision to your children. these migrant peoples are part of everyday life whether the american public wants to acknowledge them or not.
i find the notion insane when i hear politicians demanding the immediate deportation and total denial of rights to these "so called" illegals. the irony here is that many of the peoples who are in the cross hairs are direct decendants of people who are indigenous to the americas in the first place. it is a case of the colonialist screaming and fighting to remove the natives from native land.
so. in regards to the mass demonstrations that have taken place in los angeles and other major cities across the united states, in support of these migrant people, i commend you all. it is not an easy thing to leave all you know and immigrate to another place in the world. often times you leave family and friends, in exchange for a new language, new culture, new rules, etc. these are people that need to be celebrated and encouraged. they should not be despised, but embraced because they are what makes america great: multi-culturalism. america is a place where people can share ideas, values, languages, food, music, love and friendship.
however, the loud, closed minded rhetoric of ignorant people must be confronted head on. these people must either come to realize that their views are unhealthy and need to change, or perhaps maybe they themselves should leave to immigrate some place else. that way there can be some empathy, understanding and perhaps a little compassion brought into their lives.
this is the beginning of some radical change in america (for good or ill). the people are taking back the power that rightly belongs to them. stay tuned!

guns don't kill people, bullets kill people

2006-04-24T20:50:00.000+10:00

check out this turkey. this guy was giving a lesson to a bunch of school kids about the dangers of guns. then he accidentally shoots himself in the leg. the video link has it all there. after watching the 2 minutes and 38 seconds of footage, i am dying to ask the question. what kind of moron goes to a school filled with children to teach a lesson on gun safety, with a loaded gun?
at least the show went on...

come for a visit, love

2006-04-22T19:57:00.000+10:00

recently, tourism australia put out this advertisement campaign and commercial that promoted travel to australia. the end of the speech asked, "where the bloody hell are you?" this caused a bit of upset in england, when the poms said the word "bloody" was too offensive. for fucks sake, they were the people who came up with the bloody word in the first place. then there was the canadians, who claimed the word "hell" was unsuitable and out of line. jesus christ canada, grow the fuck up.
however, some genius has put together a spoof ad of the original commercial. check it out. the link is attached in the title. it pretty much covers what australia is- a pot smoking, aboriginal bashing, ethnic cleansing, immigrant incarcerating, facist state, with the most beautiful beaches in the world. so where the bloody hell are you?

no we're not upset, we are just faking it

2006-04-22T19:14:00.000+10:00

too bad no one thought about this 6 years ago. what a great idea! as far as some of the greatest world leaders of all time, bush jr. would never be anywhere close to the list. worst all time leaders- well, he would be close to the top. the blunders and lies that guy spews forth just keep getting worse. let us pause for a moment to reflect upon his hospitality to foreign officials. obviously little george jr. has never read dale carnegie's book, "how to win friends and influence others."
in 30 years, people will look back onto this administration and just shake their heads in disgust. then they will puke.

introducing... frijole

2006-04-17T19:12:00.000+10:00

this is now 5 weeks old, so i am sure that frijole (the name we have given the little critter) is now twice the size. but i am pleased to present you with my favorite and only photo of frijole. so this time, if all goes according to plan, there will be a little baby in our lives and the family of 2 will increase 50% and become a family of 3. i am terribly excited. we do not want to "find out" what we are going to have. people have asked us why not? my personal opinion, is that i would rather meet the little person face to face and not allow technology to intervene. i know we had this first ultra sound done, but it is for very relevant reasons considering my own health history. but i am enjoying the suspense and speculation. knowing the sex of the child seems to take a lot of the fun out of the game. either way, i am going to love the person. girl or boy, i don't care. i only want a healthy child.
holy shit. i am going to be a father! which conjures up all these crazy thoughts and some anxieties. this is brand new territory for me. although i am sure that i will be fine. after all, there are some very unintelligent people in the world that have produced full grown mental midgets of their own.

there is a reason for treason

2006-04-11T19:12:00.000+10:00

what exactly do these guys know? which brings to question, do they know fuck all about anything at all? john howard, mark vaile, al down(syndrom)er.
these people knowingly paid bribes to saddam hussein. they knowingly covered up their tracks. they went to war in iraq under false pretenses. they committed treason! they should be put in prison. if it were you and me, we would be in prison, in a nice hard cell in guantanamo bay. how is it they are allowed to still be walking free?

bubble boy

2006-04-11T18:39:00.000+10:00

at first i was not interested at all. the second time it was mentioned to me, i was reminded of the first time. the third time, i figured there must be something in it, but i still didn't tune in. the fourth time, i checked it out. the verdict- mildly amusing and totally addictive. i only wish it were true. the leader of the so called "free world." (when you get stuck, just move the cursor)

back to school jitters

2006-04-10T07:50:00.000+10:00

in about ten minutes i must fly out of the house and head back to high school. today is the first day of my prac teaching component in order to get this diploma in education i have been working on for the past year snd a half. nervous? a little. i am having those same stomach cramps i used to get the night before and morning of my first day back to school, when i was a young boy. what have i got to fear? i have already passed highschool. now i am going to be teaching in a highschool. i guess i will do like all the other teachers i ever had did- fake it.
i have to go. don't want to be tardy on my first day!
class dismissed.

and another hit to the head, and another

2006-04-05T19:16:00.000+10:00

holy fuck. you must tune into this link about the guy who had willingly ingested more than 40,000 ecstasy pills over seven years. he beat the previously held record by 38,000!
doctors say he has some serious short term memory loss. perhaps his days went something like this: "oh here is that pill i was going to take." pop. "oh what happened to that pill i was going to take? i'll just take this one." pop. "oh look! a pill. i might have one today." pop.

good ridance, with no delay

2006-04-05T18:58:00.000+10:00

finally. tom de lay is leaving washington d.c. or so he says he will resign on tuesday. it is none too soon in my opinion. perhaps he can help to inspire the other foolios on capital hill and the morons living across the lawn on pennsylvania avenue- the dick n' bush team. which reminds me, only a few days ago people were holding vigils and protests marking the third year since the invasion of iraq. this means that in a few weeks little george bush jr. will be holding his own little party celebrating the third anniversary to the end of the iraq war (not).
however, if you live in iraq, you must be scratching your head in wonder, as the bombs keep going off all over the place. how many people are dead? how many more are there to die?

wild wild life

2006-03-30T08:25:00.000+11:00

who in their right mind would want to steal a crocodile? then again, who would attempt to steal a koala? read the link to this bizarre story. australia, where the smaller the animal, the more vicious it is.
in related news, the australian prime minister is seen attempting to mount the minister for foreign affair, al downer. is this an act of love or animal cruelty? australia is standing up to its reputation as a wild place.

with a government like this who needs enemies

2006-03-28T07:49:00.000+11:00

it comes as no surprise. the fbi in america is targeting and spying upon its own citizens. they organization is keeping tabs on the big threats to the american agenda, such as people who attend, peace rallies, environmental protestors, and groups that help feed the homeless and hungry.
i guess if you are anti-dick'n'bush then you are considered a threat. some democracy those two are running. what kind of example are they setting for the rest of the world? after viewing the example they put forth, is it any wonder why a lot of nations are resisting american influence in becoming a "democratic" state? give us all a break! this is fascism not democracy. so call it what it is.
there is no democracy if your own government (by the people and for the people) is tracking and incarcerating its very own citizens. the very same citizens the so called elected officials are sworn to protect. i guess the root of the matter lies in the statement from the article attached to the heading, "people can get hurt, but BUSINESSES CAN BE RUINED." once again putting the age old arguement back to money.

the amazing human body or what happened to your epidermis?

2006-03-26T19:05:00.000+11:00

sunday. went to see the exhibit on the human body this afternoon. how fantastic! i was blown away by the sight of all this real life cadavers on display after under going a process called plastination, which preserves the body and all of its organs. there was so many curious and interesting aspects of the body on display. nothing was left to mystery. it was truly amazing.
currently the exhibition is on at the sydney olympic park for another week, then who knows where it goes. check out the link for more info, the amazing human body. the exhibition is touring the world. it is a must see when it comes to town, in a city near you.
i walked aroung for several hours and was 100 percent fascinated by everything. i would easily go again, if i had time. but i recommend it to any and everyone, and especially to any one who has the slightest interest in the human body. perhaps, it is not for the extremely squeemish, but it is a must see for all people of all ages. as i walked around i kept imagining how wonderful it would be to use this sort of thing in conjuction with an anatomy and physiology course. the possibilities are limitless on the educational front.
the comical aspect of the entire event is to sit outside and view the faces of people who are walking out, having just seen the exhibit. most people were very subdued and extremely quiet. it made me laugh anyhow. it also makes me realize how out of tune most people are with the fact that they too are human. flesh and bone. it is true.

my aussie dream

2006-03-25T08:55:00.000+11:00

if the politics in this country went my way, this is how it would go- the current federal government would be excused from office and most senior cabinet members would be put on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity. the labour party would get its act together and put peter garret in charge. the nation would cast off its british shackles and become a republic. that terrible national anthem would be replaced by something more creative, intelligent, and hip (once again, peter garrett is the right man for the job). i would suggest a tune created by midnight oil, or even ac/dc. reconciliation would take place immediately between whites and black aboriginals of australia (peter garrett, one more reason for the job). the incarceration of children would end. war in iraq and afghanistan would end.

breaking news in australia in the past 24 hours

2006-03-24T08:23:00.000+11:00

jana pittman wins 400 meter hurdles at the commonwealth games and also wins bitch fight.
john howard is still a bitch. more news comes out yesterday that his administration tried to get the american watch dogs to walk away from the AWB kick backs being paid to saddam hussein. once again, i will say it loud and clear, this guy needs to be prosecuted for treason. am i the only one who is aware that australia is at war with iraq, (illegitimately, of course)?
cyclone larry has totally fucked up north queensland. the images are sad to see. the price of bananas sky rockets.

death to the nation state

2006-03-23T08:09:00.000+11:00

nationalism. what a disgusting site to behold! persons parading around with so much pride and patriotism, but what does it mean? in the end nothing. what is the nation, but an imaginary line drawn in the sand to denote where one state ends and another one begins. human beings are forced to remain behind these lines, and if one wants to walk across the sand, they will need a passport and permission. the nation-state is the cause for so much marginalization in the world. bigotry and racism are artificial man-made institutions spurred on by the nation-state. one could draw similar parallels with war, poverty, and famine.
which brings me to the common wealth games. the common wealth games is like the olympics, it is first an advertisement ploy by the media, second a sickening display of nationalism, and third and often times forgotten, it is a sporting festival. who makes up the common wealth? it is a bunch of relic nations still clinging on to the idea of being under the rule of the british crown. when one athlete wins their event, what happens? the nation's flag comes out and a victory lap is expected. i am all for the victory lap, just drop the flag, and please drop the sponsorship plug. it is degrading to watch and more self degrading for the athlete to open their mouths.
how much more exciting would a major international sporting event be without the nationalistic back drop? it could be an event where there was no medal tally ranked by nation, but one marked by competitor. it could be an event when the medal ceremony is played out, rather than the winning teams national anthem played over the loudspeaker, "we are the world" was played instead.

check this valley out

2006-03-15T19:44:00.000+11:00

ah california. the land of my birth.
this photo is from somewhere outside bakersfield.

no more cancer sticks

2006-03-14T08:00:00.000+11:00

calabasas has finally gotten it right. beginning next month there is a total ban on cigarette smoking in public within the city. the only people complaining about it are the smokers. when to the rest of society, it makes perfect sense.
i don't have a problem with people choosing to smoke cigarettes. i only have issue when those people spew forth their cigarette smoke onto me, second hand, when i choose not to be breathing that tar filled nicotine vapor. i too have a right to free and fresh air, without it being polluted by the moron smoking the cancer stick.
smoking cigarettes. it truly is a foul, dirty, and nasty habit. not only is it polluting the lungs of the smoker, but also the lungs of those subjected to breathing second hand smoke. not to mention the effect it has upon the environment after the cigarette is smoked and the fiberglass filled butt is tossed aside into the gutter or on the beach where it is destined to wait for all eternity. these things do not decompose! consider the little kids who discover them in the sand and put them in their mouths as toddlers. your filthy cigarette is affecting people and the environment long after you have had your 2 minutes of pleasure (our displeasure) and you have randomly discarded the butt without any regard for those around you.
i say if you are going to smoke, be responsible for it from start to finish. buy your 2 pack a day addiction. smoke your cancer sticks in private. don't blow your smoke onto those who do not appreciate nor want it. bin your butts properly. finally, pay your own medical bills in 30 years time when you are diagnosed with cancer. don't expect the public to support your treatment, when they didn't want you smoking in the first place.
it may sound cruel, but if a cigarette smoker cannot respect the people and society around them when they choose to smoke, then why should society be forced to respect and be burdened with the smoker looking for the cure to their illness? the cure is simple. do not smoke cigarettes.

the good and bad of things

2006-03-13T08:14:00.000+11:00

see this is what happens when you put a child in charge. or in this case a grown man with the mind and intellect of a child. the republican party members in america are having growing concerns about their own affiliations to little george bush jr. the fact that the president is a complete mental midget does not assist the situation further.
there is an election in america coming up. an election for seats in congress etc. the republicans are concerned because they are worried they will lose their seats and voting power in the good ol' usa. no kidding?
let's face is folks. the so called war on terror is a complete farce. the real terrorists are bush, cheney, rumsfeld, blair, and howard. these are the guys responsible for the most bombs that blow up and kill people. these are the guys that establish foreign policy. the other guys are blowing up bombs in response.
the lies that have come out of the white house in recent years are growing in size and numbers. i only have to mention weapons of mass destruction, let your mind do the rest. the selling of american ports to the UAE and then taking them back is a can of worms that is about to explode (no pun intended to the terrorist thing). the real story behind the katrina hurricane in new orleans just keeps getting more sick. i could go on.
perhaps you wonder why i keep harping on this subject. i don't know exactly, but i am not all that pleased about the regime that is in charge of the world. there are some fundamentally fucked up policies and major flaws in the administration. i am just speaking out against it, in my democratic rights to free speech. there is a more better alternative. what? i don't know. i just know that the world can't be as bad and evil and dangerous as these fuckwits make it out to be. i know, because i have travelled to some of these places that people say are "dangerous." the only danger i ever encountered was the fear that people bring with them to such places. where ever you go in the world people are people. most of us poor and struggling to survive, with our biggest concern of where we will get fresh water and food to eat and feed our families. it is these rich "policy" makers that we have to watch out for. as they are fundamentally greedy, and their only concern is for their own personal wealth and gain, without regard for much else. no wonder there is war, hatred, poverty, and environmental damage all around us. it is a disgrace. especially when humanity is capable of so much more.

waa waa

2006-03-09T08:46:00.000+11:00

oh oh oh what do i write? i am sitting here typing when i should be getting ready to leave the house and go to school. my bags are packed, but lunch is not. i am dressed but haven't brushed my teeth. i am not as anxious to go as i was last night. i am not very excited about it at all. now i just want to stay home and put my head back under the covers. listen to me cry about it.
my weekly routine. work work work work school work work work. throw in the homework and the house work, i am lucky to find myself with a day off. good thing we banned the tv.
alright off i go. maybe the next entry will have more excitement. then again, maybe not.

superman's wife

2006-03-08T20:16:00.000+11:00

the real louis lane is dead at 44 from cancer. there are so many of us getting sick from it. what is going on with life in this world we live in?