Saturday, January 22, 2005
custody battles
several of my friends lately seem to be going through troubled times dealing with ex-partners, in regards to custody of their children. it is truly sad for me when i hear about these events and circumstances. at times i think the parents are so busy fighting against one another, that they fail to see the reason there is an issue in the first place- the 4 year old child standing right in front of their face. has anyone asked the child what they want? guessing (from experience) the answer would be, "i want mommy and daddy to stop fighting. i want them to be happy. i want them to love me. i want to be a family."
my parents split when i was 4 and my sister jennifer was 2 nearly 3. we were fortunate enough to have parents that recognized the impact that an ugly seperation would have on us kids, so we were kept well away from the fighting, and legal issues. sensibly our parents realized the importance of having both a strong relationship with a mother and father in our lives. so they struck an arrangement of joint custody and near equal time spent with each parent. i was told years later, that they were one of the pioneers in joint custody cases in the united states. not that there were never problems as we grew up, but in hindsight it was the best possible outcome for jennifer and myself. i know that divorce and seperations can be ugly, because i have seen many friends go through them as mother, father, or child. however, i also know that these splits can go a lot smoother, from personal experience.
for me to hear the horror stories that my friends are undergoing today makes me ill. i can more easily empathize with the child, as i have been in their position. so for me be told the actions that some of these parents are taking and the ugliest of words being spoken in fornt of their child, it makes me upset and a bit angry. these innocent kids are going to be scarred for life from those words. even at the age of 1 or 2 and onwards. i know this from personal experience. i can remember with vivid detail the day my mom sat us two kids down to explain that she and our father were seperating.
when the issue is between the parents, keep it between the parents. do not put your son or daughter in the middle of the fight. that is totally unfair. however, if you are stupid enough to put the child in the middle, be forewarned, it will come back to haunt you a million times over. children do not forget.
my parents split when i was 4 and my sister jennifer was 2 nearly 3. we were fortunate enough to have parents that recognized the impact that an ugly seperation would have on us kids, so we were kept well away from the fighting, and legal issues. sensibly our parents realized the importance of having both a strong relationship with a mother and father in our lives. so they struck an arrangement of joint custody and near equal time spent with each parent. i was told years later, that they were one of the pioneers in joint custody cases in the united states. not that there were never problems as we grew up, but in hindsight it was the best possible outcome for jennifer and myself. i know that divorce and seperations can be ugly, because i have seen many friends go through them as mother, father, or child. however, i also know that these splits can go a lot smoother, from personal experience.
for me to hear the horror stories that my friends are undergoing today makes me ill. i can more easily empathize with the child, as i have been in their position. so for me be told the actions that some of these parents are taking and the ugliest of words being spoken in fornt of their child, it makes me upset and a bit angry. these innocent kids are going to be scarred for life from those words. even at the age of 1 or 2 and onwards. i know this from personal experience. i can remember with vivid detail the day my mom sat us two kids down to explain that she and our father were seperating.
when the issue is between the parents, keep it between the parents. do not put your son or daughter in the middle of the fight. that is totally unfair. however, if you are stupid enough to put the child in the middle, be forewarned, it will come back to haunt you a million times over. children do not forget.
