Monday, May 29, 2006
cold turkey
yesterday i made a valliant attempt to get off the pain killers. it lasted all day until bed time. that is when i broke down and popped a couple of pills. mostly because the pain was too much and i couldn't relax, and partly because i just wanted to be knocked out and fall asleep.
the morning started off real bad when i sneezed! holy fuck. i had not had a sneeze since the operation. this nearly killed me. when i am needing to cough or sneeze or even blow my nose, i am supposed to hold a pillow against my chest. it acts like a make shift splint while i do what needs to be done. when the sneeze came on, it was too quick, i could not reach the pillow in time. there was a second one, but i had managed to hug it tightly to minimize the effect as best i could, but the damage had been done. i think i ripped a few internal stiches with the one sneeze. that was before i even got out of bed.
however, i was still determined to get off the pain killers. mostly because i am so tired of being all doped out all the time. my head can't take much more of the narcotics. in hospital i was on alot of morphine, and the take home pills are a morphine derivitive. not only do they make you feel real cool at first, but they go on to screw with your brain and make your bowels totally constipated. which was adding to my abdominal pain. sort of a catch 22. morphine in an opiate. yeah, same thing as opium and heroin. guess i wouldn't make the best junkie.
yesterday i went for a few walks and a car trip up to the local organic markets, then to the beach to sit in the sun and watch the surf. it was a great day to be out and enjoying life. in the evening i sat in front of the idiot box for nearly 4 1/2 hours watching complete shit. i was tired but not wanting to go to bed and just stuck in that state of limbo. it sucked. this whole experience sucks.
but like the swim coach at UCSC, mickey wender, used to say- "pain is weakness leaving the body." so if that is the case next year i should be mr. universe.
the morning started off real bad when i sneezed! holy fuck. i had not had a sneeze since the operation. this nearly killed me. when i am needing to cough or sneeze or even blow my nose, i am supposed to hold a pillow against my chest. it acts like a make shift splint while i do what needs to be done. when the sneeze came on, it was too quick, i could not reach the pillow in time. there was a second one, but i had managed to hug it tightly to minimize the effect as best i could, but the damage had been done. i think i ripped a few internal stiches with the one sneeze. that was before i even got out of bed.
however, i was still determined to get off the pain killers. mostly because i am so tired of being all doped out all the time. my head can't take much more of the narcotics. in hospital i was on alot of morphine, and the take home pills are a morphine derivitive. not only do they make you feel real cool at first, but they go on to screw with your brain and make your bowels totally constipated. which was adding to my abdominal pain. sort of a catch 22. morphine in an opiate. yeah, same thing as opium and heroin. guess i wouldn't make the best junkie.
yesterday i went for a few walks and a car trip up to the local organic markets, then to the beach to sit in the sun and watch the surf. it was a great day to be out and enjoying life. in the evening i sat in front of the idiot box for nearly 4 1/2 hours watching complete shit. i was tired but not wanting to go to bed and just stuck in that state of limbo. it sucked. this whole experience sucks.
but like the swim coach at UCSC, mickey wender, used to say- "pain is weakness leaving the body." so if that is the case next year i should be mr. universe.
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Brent, your scar is now called a zipper.. It will diminish with time, but you can take pride in how you are handling your experience. Be sure to follow directions about moving around, etc., so you don't get adhesions. A friend of mine laughed too hard too early and had to have more surgery to fix what she had laughted out. Keep on keeping on!!!
# posted by 
: 5:16 PM
: 5:16 PM
zipper! this thing is massive. it is like the grand canyon. i only move around slowly and try to avoid jokes altogether. believe me i know what can happen. when i was working in the ambulance service, on of the last jobs i did was being called to a guy who was eviscerated. he had a horizontal abdominal cut, and the staples had popped while he was lying in bed. the poor bastard lived alone in a low income housing flat. was not found until 3 days later. it was a nasty piece of work. he was still alive after lying for days in his own shit and piss. his intestines looked like ball park franks on the outside of his belly. the whole thing stank- literally. so believe me, i know.
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