The Word B

it is 5 days until i go under the knife. it is constantly on my mind. who in their right mind wants to undergo surgery? not me, certainly. however, i want to get it over and done with. this waiting thing is nearly driving me nuts, as the thoughts of surgery and all the "what ifs" that go along with it seem to preoccupy most of my thinking. there are a lot of potential errors to be had in this operation, one of which is bleeding out on the table. yippee.
i have a surgeon that nearly everyone says is the best. so that is somewhat comforting.
the new "found" scar on my body upon waking from the operation should be interesting and a good topic for discussion, and show-and-tell for some time.
mentally, i am as prepared as i will ever be. so let's bring it on. physically, i feel great, except for the tumor growing inside of me.
drugs. it is another issue deeply on my mind. they are going to turn me into a junky for a few days with the morphine or pethadine or what ever pain relief i am sure i will be begging for. how do i feel about this? not too pleased. really, drugs are great. then you have to eventually come down, and that sucks. i don't want them (i say this now). but really i don't want them in my body. i have had enough of the most expensive pharmacuetical drugs money can buy. take it from me, it is not worth it. i would prefer to skip it all and just go for a surf.
which brings me to another point. there is no bloody surf anywhere. i want to fit in a last surf before my stomach gets cut open, and there are no waves. go figure? after living a life of 32 years on lake pacific, i should come to expect this. once again, the ocean wins.
in conclusion, i may or may not be writing on this sight for a while (although i may sneak one or two more in pre-surgery). in the words of douglas mac arthur- i shall return. so stay tuned.