The Word B

well, i know that everyone wants to know the answer to life. or at least most people want to know the answer, while others are content to remain in the dark. i think i have stumbled upon the answer. Life is what it is, because life is what it is. think about it. it doesn't get more simple or complex than that. and this explanation can be used for everything. for example, why is the grass the grass? the grass is the grass because the grass is the grass. or, why is the sun the sun? the sun is the sun because the sun is the sun. or, why is an airplane an airplane? an airplane is an airplane because an airplane is an airplane. you are who you are because you are who you are. there is nothing that can change that, ever. so life is simple. it doesn't have to be as complicated as humans make it out to be. it is what it is because that is what it is. i will leave you with a famous quote, by a famous person and hero to most- popeye the sailor. "i yam what i yam and that's all that i yam. i'm popeye the sailor man." toot toot

neptune must have been reading my blog site the other day. we were rewarded kindly with perfect swell two days ago, 22nd of June 2004. the waves arrived out of nowhere for about 24 hours and then, gone, just as mysteriously as they appeared. those people who were lucky enough to catch a surf that day were pleased. then there were a few people who really lucked out. i being one of them i think. with wind slightly off shore, blowing at a mild puff, and 2-3 meter south swell, a group of five people arrived at box head to witness perfection. we were already having a blast fighting off the cold wind as we drove 10 kilometers by boat at around 30 knots, in a 30 foot scarab boat. it was so much fun and so cold. when we pulled up at box head, there were 3 people in the water, they too had come by boat. it was only a few hours after the sun had risen when we had suited up and jump into the water for a 3 minute paddle into the break. the size was overhead and perfct lefts as far as the eye could see. the only concern was when to pull off from the wave because you had been riding it for so long and so far, away from the point and away from the boat! we are talking about 10-20 minute straight paddles, or further if you wanted. we surfed for nearly three hours, until nobody could feel their arms or shoulders any longer. during the surf session i pulled off one of those moments of greatness that happen to us all, from time to time, and no one is looking. well fortunately two people we watching as i dropped into a wave, and all 9 feet 2 inches of my board went vertical. for a split second i thought i was gone. but i pushed back on my right foot, slightly turning my shoulders backside and pulled off the drop after the free fall and zoom! i took off down the line with a wall of water chasing me as fast as it could. the whole day and every wave was just as thrilling. it is a great day when you can sit out in the water and catch waves til your hearts content with your mates, jovially shouting out, "long boarders suck," and "paddle you pansy short boarder kooks." when we climbed back into the boat, too tired to stand, we could look back and count 30 plus people surfing. the secret was out, box head was going off. but we could care less, we had already gotten our fill of waves. the only thing left to do was pull anchor, start the motor and fly back to the dock. we stopped for lunch and then home to nap.

this is a moment of pride for me, so if you want to know more, then read on.
i just found out about two hours ago that my little sister, the baby of the family, is the valedictorian of her high school graduating class. Kline Swonger has received top marks and honors for her efforts, which she has worked hard for (she will deny it though). She graduates from North Hollywood High School (class of 2004) next Tuesday 29th of June. unfortunately i will not be able to attend the ceremony, due to the high price of airline tickets between Australia and North America. however, if you read this between now and then, get yourself to the ceremony to clap and cheer when they announce her name. i am so excited for her. i guess i feel similar to how catholics feel when a member of their family decides to become a priest or nun in the church= automatic entry to heaven. not that i figure i am getting into heaven, i just expect an invitation to celebration in the next few years when my sister wins the noble prize. seriously, now that she is the valedictorian of her high school, what is preventing her from receiving the noble prize? plus, the best part for me, is bragging rights. i am so stoked, if you can't tell already.

when i was in kindergarten i used to get in trouble during nap time because i always disturbed the other kids around me. that time in the afternoon, when we were all supposed to lie down and go to sleep, i never could. lying on the floor of your class room staring at the ceiling was pretty damn boring. so i would end up talking to myself and singing, or if i could spot another child in the class having difficulties falling asleep, i would try my hardest to get their attention, either by shouting or throwing something in their direction. once that was accomplished, i would make faces and they would make faces back, until we would both end up laughing. the teacher would always get mad and i would be scolded. the teacher usually assumed i was the culprit. while i was attending school at any age, that assumption was not often wrong. in kindergarten, because i was attending a bible thumping "christian" school (until moving to a more sensible public school for 4th grade and beyond), we got graded on crazy stuff, most of which never made sense to me. anyhow, on my first report card home, i receieved a "D" in nap time. not that grades meant anything to me when i was 5 years old, however, my mom went nuts. i guess she was thinking that a "D" would show up on my college transcripts or something, and i would forever be persecuted for not taking my nap while in kindergarten. mom never even considered getting upset with me about not sleeping during the day. i slept great at nights, even going to bed early, so she could only be happy about that. instead, her frustration was turned upon the school (go mom). the result was- during nap time when all the kindergarten kids had to lie down to sleep, i got to go outside and play on the play ground with all the other kids in the first grade and older.
fast forward to college and my adult life. i can barely go the entire day without taking a nap. i craved the cat nap between classes in college, probably from too much partying on a regular basis. i know that had i received a grade for nap time in college, i would have gotten an A+. and now as an adult, i long for them all the time. naps are the best thing. in fact, i think i will go take one right now. all this reflection on my past has made me sleepy.

does anyone out there know what has happened to the swell? i live in sydney, australia and haven't seen decent waves for nearly a month. has someone gone and confiscated them? and does anyone know where they went? this is a message going out to anyone that lives on or near the biggest lake on the planet- the pacific ocean.
i am nearly given up on surfing. i have decided to take up a new sport that is more consistent and at this point much more strenuous. the new sport is yoga.
however, i know that i will be back out in the surf with the first hint of swell, along with every other kook that owns or has access to a surf board. and ususally those first 2-3 days back in the water after such a long spell of no waves, things get a bit agro. people are on edge and tense with one another, because everyone is struggling to get their fill of waves. my suggestion to those who do get uptight during those few moments back in the water. relax. try yoga on the days off. it all helps.

i know my last entry had a loose reference to death, but this one is more of a tribute to a man who has done so much for the world in his life time. most of which we have all benefited from to so degree. Ray Charles died last week, and in honor of the great musician i will post this poem, that i somewhat ironically wrote about mid-march of this year. it isn't one of my best, but it is my way of saying thanks to the man for the things he has provided me with- music, thoughts, ideas, inspiration. the title of the poem is RAY CHARLES (as if it could be anything else), here it is...

ray charles can sure play and sing
for being blind that man can do everything
he can hit the highs and play the lows
he tours the world performing shows
that ray charles can pull most chicks
for a blind man he's got lots of tricks
with fully abled body i sit here in wonder and awe
at how ray charles can do anything at all
at times i feel so useless and lame
but then i think of him playing the game
so if ray charles can do it then so can i
to be successful against all odds you only have to try

some things astound me. i have been livng in australia for 5 years now, and the time has gone fast. but one thing i still am having alot of trouble getting over is this huge affinity to a monarchy. i mean really, what the fuck? the queen of england is still the figure head of the entire continent of australia, which happens to lie on the exact oppostite end of the world to england. so far away. apparently, the queen of england has only stepped foot on this continent (that she apparently owns), only 7 times in her life. and still her picture is on the money (coins only now [thankfully]). but the butchers bloody apron is still on the flag, and in reality it is on the flag of alot of nations still. so this last weekend was a 3 day weekend, or as they say in australia it was a "long weekend." for me it wasn't long enough. the holiday was in celebration of the queens b-day. i don't know how old she turned. all i know is a whole lot of people got the day off. some queen. happy birthday, beth.
the other psuedo-royal person making news lately was ronald reagan, who died. i mean really, what the fuck? are americans totally ignorant of the recent past and totally forgotten about that guys policies that are still affecting the world today. that guy had direct open dealings with saddam hussein. think about it. and the trickle down theory of his, would have worked better as a title to a porno film. with the gipper running the show, the rich got rich rich richer, and the poor got left out in the lurch. big surprise there! but what really kills me, is the way that he is being made out to be a super-hero. i can only imagine all the little kids, who never lived in the time of ronald reagan as president of the united states, are getting a warped view and interpretation of the story.

on a friday, the 19th of december 2003- it it was at a small sound stage in North Hollywood, on Lankershim Blvd. the time would have been approaching midnight, but who could tell these things? we were all in attendance of a rock concert, a private rock concert and c.d. recording party. the band- The Long Lost Lovers. they were playing and making a demo album. i was there with my wife, brother, sister, and closest childhood friends. everyone was tremendously excited. the band was buzzing in anticipation and a little nervous at first, but after 30 seconds into the first song, everything was charging. the Long Lost Lovers played for nearly an hour and a half, but it was the very end when the energy popped and the intimate crowd of 16 sprung from their respective seats and alcoves of the sound studio, and began to boogie. we were dancing, jumping, bouncing, crashing, mashing, screaming, laughing, circling, locked arm in arm, swinging shoulder to shoulder, cheek to cheek, with heavy breath throughout the room. it was a party! a fiesta and celebration of life, music, each other, hannukah, christmas, and an early new years eve bash. we moved around in that hot little room until the sweat ran off our bodies and poured onto the carpet. not one person in the room failed to prespire profusely, nor could control the laughter and joy in their hearts. the band rock and rolled! everyone was in perfect harmony. the music and life at that moment was perfect and exactly the way it was meant to be.
i am thankful to have been present and part of that experience. it was one of those most perfect moments of life where everything is in perfect harmony.
WHERE'S MY ALI G?

today (this afternoon) was the transit of venus. this is where the planet of venus crossed over the sun. it was an astronomical event, as well, i am sure an astrological event. although i am not sure if the transit of venus had anything to do about the roman goddess cathcing a bus. i tried to look at the sun with my two pairs of sunglasses on, but still couldn't see shit, despite the fact that one of them is polarized. i think i nearly blinded myself in the process. i also tried to used the cardboard trick with the hole cut out and view the projection of the image. this was a total failure (has anyone ever been successful at this?). so i decided my best course of action was to take a nap. this however, turned out to be a success. and when i woke up the sun was set. so i turned on the television, tuned into the news and saw the images of venus's transit across the sun. it looked pretty cool. apparently it was the first time in about 186 years that venus has done this. the next occurance is in 2012, so there is a chance to see it once more in our life time, if you missed it today.
i heard a story that the first person to predict this sort of event was considered a fool by his contemporaries. i am still holding out for the discovery of martians. i don't care what anybody has to say in argument to that.

forget about playboy! forget about penthouse and hustler too! if you want to read something totally erotic, sexy, and a bit raunchy go to the library and check out Fanny Hill. oh my! i get so excited everytime i pick up that book for a read. it is a piece of classic literature written in 1748. yes, 1748 and it is blowing my mind. it is a two part novel, written as memoirs of a "woman of pleasure." if you are feeling a bit uninspired in the whole sexual arena, give this book a try. you'll be horned up and rearing to go by about page 12 and it only keeps getting better and better as the story continues. but sadly, like all good books, it does end. then you can go back to the penthouse and the playboys etc. for me though, those modern magazines have definitely lost some of their luster. i want Fanny!

i have a love/hate relationship with hotmail. it is a wonderful tool that allows us to communicate freely and quickly with most people (who have computer access) around the world. the fact that it is free i find astounding, and am grateful for. however, when i signed in this morning, checked my new incoming mail and went to reply, i was told that i was blocked from sending my email out because my inbox was full to capacity. i would be unable to send mail for 24 hours. this after i had spent the previous 20 minutes composing the letter. i was pretty upset at first. but then i simply put the experience in my column of irritations hotmail has presented me with over the years. yes, i know i should change email hosts, but i am too lame and lazy to do it. i would rather sit here and complain about it. i guess what irks me the most is the fact that i feel like i am being punished, by hotmail, for having a full account. the main reason my account was full is from the overwhelming ammount of junk email and spam that seems to keep showing up despite new laws and legislations preventing it. it is all so out of my control, yet, like an addict, i keep coming back to it. so now i must wait 24 hours to send my emails to people. this is worse punishment than i received from my parents growing up.

yes, i am a jerry springer addict. what can i say? i love his show. last year when i was undergoing chemotherapy treatment and home everyday, sick as a dog, the springer show was my salvation. i watched it religiously. it was at times the only thing that would get my spirits up between my times hanging over the porceline bowl and puking my guts out. i thought i had it pretty bad having cancer. but when you take a look at some of those people on that show, it really helps to put your own life into perspective. despite how sick i was, i was thankful that i 1)still have all my teeth 2)am not fat 3)am not ugly 4) have a monogamous relationship with my wife 5)can speak clearly.
however, there is nothing like watching people degrade themselves in front of a world wide audience. my favorite part is the audience questioning at the end. i have mentioned this addiction to other people and i get a mixed response. but i know that there are more springer fans out there than non-fans. even if they are still in the closet. in some ways i feel that it keeps me in touch with the american community that i left behind when i moved overseas 5 years ago. although i never lived in the southern states (where most of the show's guests seem to hail from) there is this implied sense of american attitudes that seem to me more concerned with infidelity rather than the world around them. whether you are a guest on the show, in the audience, or viewing from home, there is this uncanny desire to be a passive/active voyer into the fucked up lives that some of these people live.
is it a form of escapism for us? or is it pure entertainment? some argue that the scenarios are staged, but i have seen too much to buy into that. the jerry springer show is not wwf wrestling. the springer show is america, or at least one giant portion of it. i for one want more. i want springer uncensored. so bring on the whores, pimps, fatties, homosexuals, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, lovers, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, freaks, and phonies. bring on the tales of your twisted sick lives for my selfish entertainment. there can never be enough. i want more. the world wants more. it is only 45 minutes to springer now. so i gotta go.
ps-i want jerry beads and i am not afraid to bear my chest for them either. i also want to rub steve's head.

i have been given a cold. and it has fucked me up in a serious way. what pisses me off the most is that it was hand delivered to me without any acknowledgement at all. the people who so graciously gave me this illness, knew they were sick, invited me around for a visit, not telling me they were sick until the next day. there was no "oops, i forgot." or an apology. they just passed it off onto me like it was cool thing to do. they had no regard for my health or wellfare. although i was forcefully told how my spirit would be saved if i believed in jesus and god, and when i die i would therefore go to heaven. so like good christians they first tried to convert me and then tried to kill me. how can anyone compete? all the talk and actions both explicit and implicit make me keep wider boundries and further my distance.
now i am stuck at home, and bitching about it all online. i am fucking mad as hell about it, when i have the chance to be mad, between blowing my nose and coughing and lying around feeling miserable. my advice to people out there who are sick. be selfish. keep your foul germs to yourself. and if you have to go public about it, let those of us that are healthy know about it. no one wants to be sick.
this is another good case why all work places should have paid sick leave for their employees. if you come to work sick, you get your workmates sick and then everyone is feeling shit house. productivity drops, therefore the profits drop and still everyone is sick. so a note to the employer- pay some sick leave once in a while that way people (who are needing to work) will not show up sick and screw everything up.
this has been exhausting to write about. so goodnight and good-bye. stay healthy.